


Love Again

by markleelover



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Derogatory Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Insecurity, Jaemin and Jeno are both 18, M/M, experienced jaemin and virgin jeno, side markhyuck, social jaemin and studious jeno, underage drinking and drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markleelover/pseuds/markleelover
Summary: "Jaemin was comfortable with his current lifestyle—just hooking up, no feelings involved—and he didn’t know if he wanted to interrupt that and risk getting his feelings hurt. He hardly knew Jeno, and yet his heart raced at the tiniest things he did. It was terrifying, but also exciting."A private boarding school au where Jaemin is afraid of love, but he can't run away from his crush on Jeno Lee forever.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 261





	1. Show Me That Heaven's Right Here, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> welcome everyone!!
> 
> ♡ The title and chapter names are from "Love Again" by Dua Lipa ♡  
> ♡ Click [here](https://twitter.com/markleelovr/status/1249636935343235072?s=21) for reference pictures of Jeno and Jaemin! ♡
> 
> other stuff:  
> ♡ Jaemin does hook up with people other than Jeno (not while they’re together) so if that bothers you don’t read  
> ♡ The characters other than the members of nct/wayv are NOT based on real people  
> ♡ I know that Jeno and Jaemin's height difference in real life is almost nonexistent but I wrote a bit of a height difference here because it's fun  
> ♡ The smut may not depict realistic sex or follow safe sex procedures. Please do not read the smut as if it's your textbook in sex-ed class!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw// smut, drinking, drugs

Jaemin placed his chin in his palm and gazed around his physics classroom, letting his mind wander. He was trying to concentrate, he really was. It was just that this was his last class of the day, and it was Friday, and his physics teacher was so incredibly dull. He looked around the classroom for any other familiar faces that he’d missed. Yangyang was in his class, but he’d gotten placed on the opposite side of the lecture hall, which was probably a smart move by their teacher.

Renjun Huang was also in his class. He was the prefect for Jaemin’s house, Willow. Each year, the students of all seven grades were sorted into one of four houses—Willow, Oak, Pine, or Spruce—which would also determine which wing of the school they would dorm in. The most qualified seventh years were named prefect, and they would lead the house in school competitions and do managerial tasks. 

Jeno Lee, seated next to Renjun, had been named prefect for Spruce. Both boys had brand new pins on their scarlet blazers that boasted their positions. Not that Jaemin was jealous or anything. He had plenty of his own: archery, orchestra, speech, and science olympiad. Jeno being a prefect didn’t surprise Jaemin in the slightest. Jeno had always worked too hard, in Jaemin’s opinion. Even now, when their teacher was going over the same law that they’d been studying all week, Jeno was taking notes, pen flying across the page, jaw clenched tight. He had also always been a rule-follower. Jaemin didn’t think he’d ever seen Jeno at a party, not even once. Apparently the boy had gotten reading glasses over the summer, and they were now perched on his nose, making him look even nerdier. Jaemin resisted the urge to laugh.

He’d gotten so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice when the teacher dismissed class. The sound of zippers and chattering students broke him out of his reverie, and he quickly started putting away his stuff to go meet Yangyang.

“Hey, Jaemin.” A deep voice caused Jaemin to glance up from where he was zipping his bag closed. He stood up, carding a hand through his hair. His eyes brightened as he realized who it was.

“Changmin?” Jaemin had to take a good second to look the boy up and down. He’d known Changmin for years, but damn. Either he’d really filled out over the summer, or Jaemin had just never noticed him before. The boy only had a couple inches on Jaemin but his shoulders were much broader, the sleeves of his jacket doing a marvelously poor job of concealing the bulk of his arm muscles. He had a strong jawline, chiseled cheekbones, and a mischievous smirk.

“Jaemin Na.” Changmin looked pleased that Jaemin had remembered his name. “You look good.”

This was something that Jaemin already knew. His hair was freshly dyed, teeth whitened, and skin blemish-free and sun-kissed. However, the boldness of the compliment still caught him off-guard, blushing as he looked down at his shoes.

“Thank you,” Jaemin said. He noticed the shiny new pin on Changmin’s blazer that declared him captain of the football team and reached out to brush his fingers over the silver plating. This was also just an excuse to get his hands on Changmin’s glorious pecs. 

“Congratulations, captain.”

“Thanks.” Jaemin didn’t miss the way that Changmin puffed his chest out just a bit more, bolstered by the compliment. “See you at one of our games this season?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Jaemin responded with a smile, and a beat of silence passed between them. 

“Oh, right,” Changmin said, snapping his fingers as he remembered the reason that he had approached Jaemin in the first place. “There’s gonna be a get-together in my room tonight. You can bring your roommate if you want, but we’re trying to keep it small.” 

Jaemin bit his lip. _Perfect._ “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Awesome,” Changmin smirked, leaning closer to whisper in Jaemin’s ear, pressing a slip of paper into Jaemin’s palm as he did so. “Don’t worry about bringing any alcohol or weed, I’ll cover you.”

Jaemin nodded, giggling as Changmin gave him a wink. As Changmin brushed past him to exit the classroom, Jaemin got a whiff of his cologne. Deep, woody, manly. Jaemin grinned victoriously to himself as he folded up the piece of paper with Changmin’s room number and put it in his pocket for safekeeping. Tonight would be fun.

♡♡♡

“Jaemin, help,” Donghyuck whined as he stood in front of their dorm room’s mirror, holding up the same two shirts that he’d been debating between for the last five minutes. They were the same design, a tight long-sleeve that had Burberry printed on it in bold lettering, one in white and one in red. Jaemin’s best friend had always liked to flaunt his wealth, but he made sure to look good doing it.

Donghyuck was a combination of a theater kid and a jock, flipping between the two stereotypes so quickly that it sometimes gave Jaemin whiplash. He never knew when he came into his dorm room if he’d be dealing with a sweaty Donghyuck who has yet to change out of his volleyball uniform, or Donghyuck in his expensive, designer clothes, working on winging his eyeliner just right.

“I already told you.” Jaemin rolled over onto his side on his bed. “Go with the red. Makes you look more seductive.”

“Gross,” Donghyuck said, voice lacking passion. He balled up the white shirt and threw it at Jaemin and then pulled the red one over his head and got started on his accessories—a delicate golden choker, golden rings, and a black leather belt. Jaemin silently applauded himself on his advice. The red went excellently with the faded auburn color of Donghyuck’s hair. Donghyuck was wearing tight black jeans, and the whole outfit made his figure look great. Jaemin whistled obnoxiously.

“Looking good, baby,” he catcalled. Donghyuck finished applying his shimmery highlighter and gave himself a final once over before glaring at Jaemin.

“Are you already drunk?”

“No,” Jaemin giggled. “Maybe.” He’d taken a couple of shots earlier just to get himself loose and hopefully make it less awkward when they got to Changmin’s. Donghyuck rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Shut up, Na. Get over here.” Jaemin followed orders, picking himself up off his bed and plopping himself in front of the mirror at Donghyuck’s feet. Donghyuck brushed his fingers through Jaemin’s hair, sweeping the thick, chestnut brown locks off his forehead. Jaemin closed his eyes. He loved it when Donghyuck played with his hair.

“I don’t know why you care so much, anyway,” Jaemin said, making eye contact with Donghyuck through the mirror. “Mark will love you no matter what you wear.” 

Donghyuck blushed at that. Jaemin smiled, knowing he was right. When Donghyuck started dating Mark the previous year, Jaemin had been more than a little skeptical. Mark had always been quiet and reserved, and Jaemin had doubted his ability to keep up with Donghyuck’s fiery personality. Jaemin was soon proven wrong as it became obvious that the other boy was great for Donghyuck. It had been difficult for Donghyuck when Mark had gone home to Canada over the summer, but now they were reunited and Donghyuck had that shine in his eyes that he only ever got when Mark was involved.

“So… are you interested in Changmin?” Donghyuck asked as he started on Jaemin’s makeup, applying some glittery eyeshadow to his lids and blush to the highs of his cheeks.

Jaemin shrugged. “He’s attractive.” Donghyuck raised an eyebrow and let the topic go. He knew that Jaemin wasn’t interested in anything serious.

Jaemin stayed dutifully still as Donghyuck applied a bit of eyeliner to his upper lash line. It was nothing too drastic, but Donghyuck liked doing makeup and Jaemin liked making Donghyuck happy. Besides, Jaemin knew that it made him look even prettier. He smoothed on some strawberry lip gloss as Donghyuck cracked a hard seltzer and texted Mark. 

“Is Mark coming?” Jaemin asked. 

“Yeah, but he’s not drinking. Tournament tomorrow.”

Mark’s the captain of the debate team and he’s deadly serious about it. They were only starting to get into their season—sections, regionals, and nationals far off—but Mark still demanded that they crushed every team in their conference.

“Too bad for him. Gotta deal with your drunk ass.” Donghyuck swatted playfully at him as he stood up and examined his outfit. His family was plenty rich, as were most of the kids’ at their school, but unlike Donghyuck he usually liked to keep his outfits modest. Tonight he was wearing a jean jacket over a black turtleneck and some ripped black jeans. He’d gotten his ears pierced over the summer, and although piercings weren’t technically allowed, he put in some small silver hoops.

“Ready?” Donghyuck asked, giving Jaemin a sharp smile.

“Ready.”

♡♡♡

Jaemin felt _really_ good. 

When they’d gotten to Changmin’s dorm it already smelled like weed, the few others there already either drunk or high or both. Donghyuck, never one to smoke, wrinkled his nose at the smell but got himself a drink and fell into conversation with Mark’s teammates from soccer—Yukhei Wong, Hendery Huang, and Changmin’s roommate, Soobin. That had made it easy for Jaemin to look to Changmin, who patted the space next to him on the loveseat and gave Jaemin a suggestive smile, his eyelids already low from the blunt he was smoking.

Jaemin’s first thought was that _fuck, Changmin is huge_. His body was taking up most of the two-person loveseat, legs spread wide and arm draped across the backrest. Jaemin tucked himself under that strong arm and crossed his own slender leg over Changmin’s muscular one, their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. He took a couple hits of the blunt Changmin offered him, let Changmin grab him a drink, and he’d soon drifted into that blissful, floaty space where everything felt nice. After a while Mark had shown up as well, and the last worries that had lingered in the back of his mind about Donghyuck’s safety were gone as Donghyuck threw himself into Mark’s arms with an elated cry of the boy’s name.

He was crossfaded and he knew that his hangover tomorrow was going to be wicked, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt _so_ good, Changmin’s arm around his shoulder, face close to his as they laughed together, hand warm on his thigh as his fingers played absently with the rips in his jeans. Their conversation was easy, flirtatious, and Jaemin was having fun sending Changmin coy smiles over the edge of his cup but he wanted _more_. Thankfully, Mark soon took Donghyuck back to their dorm and Hendery and Lucas left as well, waving goodbye to Jaemin on their way out. Soobin was the last to leave, exiting with a scoff and a “you owe me one” to Changmin.

Jaemin was in the middle of a rambling, giggly story when Changmin leaned in suddenly and kissed Jaemin. Jaemin gave a soft gasp of surprise, eyes widening before falling shut. At the feel of Changmin’s lips against his, warm and sure, a fire ignited in the pit of his stomach. He leaned away for a moment to set his drink safely on the side table before straddling Changmin’s thighs and kissing him harder than before. He tilted his head to slot their lips together, tongues meeting hot and desperate. Jaemin kicked his shoes to the floor and Changmin stripped off Jaemin’s jacket, hands sliding up beneath the thin fabric of his turtleneck and gripping at his thin waist. Jaemin’s shirt came off next, joining his jacket on the ground.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so pretty,” Changmin drawled, leaning forward to press kisses to the soft skin of Jaemin’s neck, collarbones, and sternum, anywhere he could get his mouth on. Jaemin’s gut tightened in want as he looked down at Changmin, felt the heat of his mouth on his skin. Jaemin realized that maybe he hadn’t thought this all the way through, but in the end, he didn’t care—it had been a couple of weeks since he’d had to break things off with his summer flings and he was horny, and Changmin was more than willing. He threaded his fingers into his dark hair and tilted his face up, leaning down to kiss him again.

“Wanna suck you off,” Jaemin breathed out. “Can I?”

“Fuck yeah.” Changmin pulled his shirt off, and Jaemin ran his hands over Changmin’s sculpted abs appreciatively. “Do whatever you want, baby.”

Jaemin giggled at that as he sunk onto his knees on the floor. He laid his head against Changmin’s thigh as he rubbed at the bulge in his joggers for a few moments, feeling the length of Changmin’s cock grow even harder under his light touches. Changmin groaned at the teasing, hips canting up and chasing Jaemin’s hand. After a minute Jaemin got bored and decided to take pity on Changmin, pulling down his joggers and briefs. He giggled as Changmin’s cock, red and leaking, sprang free and nudged Jaemin’s cheek.

“Oh my god,” Changmin groaned, tugging at the soft strands of Jaemin’s hair. Jaemin heard the silent plea there so he slowly licked up the side of Changmin’s cock before taking the tip in his mouth, bobbing his head gently. Jaemin loved giving head and he thought he was pretty good at it, based on the deep, unrestrained moan Changmin let out, his head falling back, hips spasming and sending his cock deeper into Jaemin’s mouth. Changmin was bigger than what Jaemin was used to dealing with so he made sure to let some spit drip down the rest of Changmin’s length that he couldn’t easily fit in his mouth, jerking him off as he swirled his tongue around the head of his cock.

“Ah—you’re so good baby.” Changmin held Jaemin’s face in his hands, tilting his face up so he could see his eyes. “Yeah, look at me. So good.”

Jaemin knew he looked absolutely sinful—eyes wide and dark and pretty, cheeks flushed, lips stretched around Changmin’s cock—as he sank down deeper than before, testing his limits. He knew how long and dark his lashes appeared against his cheeks as Changmin’s cock hit the back of his throat and he was forced to close his eyes. He delighted in Changmin’s moan as Jaemin sank down even deeper than that and barely gagged. Jaemin bobbed his head, suction hot and tight and wet and perfect.

“Can I come in your mouth?” Changmin asked, voice low, hand tightening in Jaemin’s hair. Jaemin pulled up off of his cock and licked the spit off of his lips with a soft laugh. 

“Please do,” he responded, gazing up at Changmin with his doe eyes and pressing his lips to the tip of his cock. That did it for Changmin, his hips twitching uncontrollably, head falling back as he bit his lip and came. Jaemin got a couple of droplets of come on his face but he made sure to get the majority in his mouth, wet and warm around the tip of Changmin’s cock to give him the best orgasm he could. 

“Fuck. You’re incredible.” Changmin fixed Jaemin with a dopey smile as he came back down to earth. He pulled his pants up and gestured for Jaemin to climb back in his lap. Jaemin did so eagerly, straddling one of Changmin’s thighs and getting some much-needed relief against his straining cock. Changmin's large hands were soon on his waist, helping him grind down against his thigh. 

Jaemin kissed Changmin, gasping into his mouth as he got Jaemin’s jeans down quickly and spit into his hand before wrapping it around his cock. Jaemin’s hips rocked up into the warm, tight circle of Changmin’s hand. He moaned as Changmin started jerking him off, thumb pressing into the sensitive head of Jaemin’s cock.

“What do you want, baby?”

“Just wanna come,” he pleaded, moaning at the friction. Changmin listened, not stopping his hand for a second, all the while murmuring dirty things in Jaemin’s ear, tongue toying at Jaemin’s piercings, other hand squeezing at Jaemin’s ass. Jaemin was so drunk and horny and _sensitive._ Everything felt so good, and he felt himself helplessly careening towards orgasm, the pleasure growing and growing in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t long until he was sobbing against Changmin’s neck and coming, muscles contracting and eyes squeezing shut as he trembled through the waves of pleasure, dirtying Changmin’s hand.

Jaemin collapsed onto Changmin’s chest as his orgasm faded. Changmin sucked a hickey into the smooth skin below his jawline as he recovered, laughing as Jaemin groaned and peeled himself off of his chest. Then they were making out again, Changmin groping at Jaemin’s ass beneath his jeans. Jaemin was in no way expecting it when Changmin flipped Jaemin onto his back on the couch, but he wasn’t complaining. Changmin was kissing him senseless and Jaemin loved the feeling of being manhandled and being underneath someone. Changmin properly removed Jaemin’s jeans and his head was swimming as Changmin took him into his mouth this time, returning the favor. Jaemin was so sensitive, but he got hard again easily and with Changmin’s eagerness it wasn’t long until he was moaning through his second orgasm, clutching onto the other boy’s hair as he came all over his stomach.

The last shocks of pleasure were replaced by a sudden lethargy. Jaemin’s eyes felt heavy, his mind peacefully empty, and he let himself drift off as Changmin moved around the room, getting some tissues to clean up. The other boy laughed softly as he saw that Jaemin had completely fallen asleep in the ten seconds that he’d left him alone. Completely naked, too, save for the underwear halfway down his hips. Changmin cleaned them both up and retrieved a blanket for Jaemin, flipping the lights off before passing out on his own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	2. Touch Me, So I Know I'm Not Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin deals with the consequences of his exciting night (*¯︶¯*)
> 
> tw// more smut, a bit of questionable manipulative behavior and possessive language

Jaemin woke up to a bright yellow light in his eyes and a pounding headache. His mouth was cottony and tasted disgusting, like stale alcohol and come. His feet were fucking _freezing._ He blinked up at the ceiling—a familiar ceiling—but this wasn’t his bed, and this wasn’t his blanket, either. Jaemin determined that he was indeed naked except for his briefs underneath a stranger’s blanket in a stranger’s room. _Nice one, Jaemin. Really outdid yourself this time._ He gingerly picked himself up from the couch and assessed his surroundings, wondering if he’d find out where his clothes got off to or if he’d end up doing the walk of shame in his underwear.

“Shit!” Jaemin jumped back as he realized that there was another person in the room. It was Changmin, reclining on his bed and looking at Jaemin with that same smirk that he’d had the night before. “Did we...?” Jaemin groaned and pinched at the bridge of his nose, blushing as the events of the previous night flooded his mind. “Yeah, we definitely did.”

Changmin laughed, climbing off his bed. “Yeah, we did.” He picked something up off the floor and handed it to Jaemin. It was his lost shirt, and Jaemin accepted it with a “thank you” before pulling it on over his head and starting to search the floor. He found his jeans crumpled in a heap. His phone was in the pocket and he checked the time with a racing heart. _9:30. Phew._

“I hope it’s okay. That we did that, I mean.” Jaemin looked up in surprise from where he was pulling on his jeans at the worried note in Changmin’s voice. 

“Yeah, of course.” Jaemin gave him a smile as he toed on his shoes. “It was fun. What I remember of it, at least.”

“Good,” Changmin replied, smiling. He put his hands in his pockets and took a step closer to Jaemin. “Hey, um… would you want to grab breakfast together?” Changmin asked. He scratched the back of his head anxiously. “We could go to the dining hall or to the cafe down the road from—”

“Ah, I’m really sorry. I actually have archery practice at 10,” Jaemin said apologetically. He tried not to notice the way that Changmin’s face fell for just a moment before he covered it up with a smile. 

“Right.” Changmin gave Jaemin a warm smile that Jaemin did his best to return before starting toward the door. “Oh, wait! Here you go.” Changmin handed Jaemin his forgotten jean jacket, and Jaemin folded it over his arm with a quiet _thank you_. “And here.” Changmin handed Jaemin a piece of paper with his phone number written on it. “Just in case, y’know, you ever want to do this again.”

“Sure.” Jaemin smiled lightly. His head was still aching and he really couldn’t think straight or figure out what he wanted or what Changmin meant by “this,” but he felt guilty for some reason, so he leaned up, bracing himself with a hand on Changmin’s broad chest, to give the taller boy a parting kiss on the cheek before slipping out of the room.

Luckily, Changmin also lived in Willow so Jaemin’s walk of shame wasn’t too painfully long. There weren’t many people out on a Saturday morning, but he still walked as fast as he could back to his dorm to avoid being seen by anyone, especially a teacher.

He was thankful to find the door unlocked because he definitely didn’t have a key. When he opened the door, he was surprised to hear two voices. He’d expected Donghyuck to still be asleep, and Mark should have left for his tournament by now.

“Hyuck?” he called out, puzzled. He walked down the short hallway that had hooks for their bags on the left and the door to the ensuite on the right. Donghyuck’s bed, pushed into the left corner of the room, had not one but two boys sitting on it.

“Hey, Jaem. Glad you made it back.” Donghyuck said cheerfully. He looked comfortable in his joggers and Vancouver t-shirt that he’d pilfered from Mark, and not at all like he’d gotten shit-faced last night. Although, judging by the look Donghyuck was giving him, Jaemin was excelling in the second category. Jaemin self-consciously ran a hand through his hair and turned his attention to the other person in his room.

Jeno Lee, of all people, was sitting on the edge of Donghyuck’s bed, Macbook balanced precariously on his thighs. Jaemin felt his headache worsen. Jeno was the perfect combination of put-together and casual in a gray Nike hoodie and black jeans, black vans discarded on the floor by his feet. His hair looked freshly washed, all soft and fluffy, and was pushed back to reveal his forehead. And, of course, he was staring up at Jaemin, bright brown eyes wide behind his stupid glasses, expression unreadable.

“Um,” Jaemin said eloquently, looking away from Jeno before it got unbearably awkward. “What are you guys doing?”

“We’re working on our speech,” Donghyuck responded unhelpfully. Jaemin scrubbed a hand over his face and resisted the urge to groan. He turned away from the boys, tossing his jacket down on his bed and silently thanking the Jaemin of yesterday for cleaning up his space. He plugged in his nearly-dead phone and turned to his dresser to get out his archery practice uniform. 

Jaemin was also in speech, and although his hangover was making his head fuzzy he was still fairly sure that writing a speech was usually a solo activity. “ _Your_ speech?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck said brightly. “Jungwoo was my partner last year for Duos but now he’s graduated, and Jeno decided that he wanted to switch categories and try out Duos.”

“Okay… sounds fun.” Jaemin pointed over his shoulder at the bathroom. “I’m just going to go get changed, then.” 

Donghyuck gave him a nod, biting his lip like he was holding back a laugh. Jaemin didn’t look at Jeno, but he could feel the boy’s eyes on the side of his face.

He threw his clothes down on the bathroom counter with a sigh and looked at himself in the mirror. His lips were puffy and bitten, there was a large, dark hickey below his jawline, and his eyeliner was smudged, but what really topped it all off for Jaemin were the dry, clear patches of come dotting his cheeks. _Holy fuck,_ Jaemin thought, feeling his cheeks burn red.

He opened the bathroom door once again and poked his head around the corner. Ignoring the way that Jeno’s eyes had folded into little crescent moons at whatever joke Donghyuck had made, Jaemin spoke up, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. “Actually, Donghyuck, can I talk to you for a minute? In the bathroom?”

As soon as Donghyuck was in range, Jaemin grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He whirled on an expressionless Donghyuck and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“You couldn’t have warned me?” Jaemin whisper-shouted. “A text would’ve been nice! I have come on my face, for God’s sake!” 

“Ok, honey, I’m gonna need you to calm down, and take a few of these,” Donghyuck handed Jaemin the bottle of Advil sitting on the bathroom counter and reached up to pet his hair. “I’m terribly sorry for not alerting you of Jeno’s presence. I will let you know if there is someone here the next time that you come stumbling back from a hookup.” Jaemin glared at Donghyuck for the dig, but Donghyuck poked his finger at Jaemin’s chest and kept going. “ _I_ am not the reason you have come on your face. Gross, by the way. And when you get back from archery practice, we’re discussing why Jeno’s opinion is so important to you.”

Before Jaemin could protest, Donghyuck was out the door. He sighed one more time before taking a deep breath and getting ready for archery. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, got changed, and fixed his hair to the best of his abilities. He desperately wished that he could take a shower, but there was no time. Nor was there time to cover up the hickey on his neck, but that was a whole other problem. When he went back into the room to retrieve his phone it was already 9:50. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered to himself, digging around in his disaster of a closet for his jacket and tennis shoes, Jeno’s eyes on his back the whole time. 

He ended up getting to archery practice on time, but he felt distracted for the entire practice. Donghyuck was annoying, but he was right. Why the hell did he care so much about Jeno’s opinion? Why was his presence in his room so unsettling? He thought back to the weight of his stare and groaned, shooting another arrow into the bullseye with a satisfying thunk. 

Jaemin really did love archery. He’d been named captain after Johnny Seo, Jaemin’s idol, graduated two years ago, and Jaemin was set to break Johnny’s records this season if he stayed on track. The hour-long practice went by quickly as Jaemin stopped by each of his teammates, giving them pointers or just some encouraging words. Being captain for archery was pretty low maintenance. He usually just had to assist his coach with managerial tasks and give pep talks. It was the actual archery that he loved the most, letting all of his stresses fall away as he nocked arrow after arrow, letting them fly. Slowly Jaemin’s teammates filtered out of the facility until it was only Jaemin left.

He reached for another arrow and realized he’d run out. Jaemin carefully set down his bow and walked over to the target to retrieve his arrows. When he turned back around, he almost yelped in shock. Jeno was standing by Jaemin’s station, standing with his hands in his pockets and watching Jaemin.

“Jeno? Did you need something?” he called out as he walked toward the boy.Jaemin approached Jeno warily, feeling himself start to blush as he remembered Jeno in his room earlier, openly staring at Jaemin’s disheveled state. Jaemin felt an odd sense of loss as he realized that Jeno wasn’t wearing his glasses anymore. _Okay, so maybe they looked kind of a little bit good on him. Just a little bit._

“I was actually wondering if you had any openings on the team,” Jeno asked.

“Oh!” Jaemin put his pile of arrows back into their holder and looked up at Jeno in surprise. That was really not what he was expecting to hear. He brightened up, thrilled that the conversation was headed in the direction of archery and not the massive purple hickey on Jaemin’s throat. “Do you shoot?”

“I used to, when I was younger,” Jeno said. His voice was pleasant, softer than Jaemin was expecting it to be. “I stopped because I got too busy, but now I have some extra time and I’ve been meaning to start again.”

Jaemin watched the way that Jeno’s fingers toyed gently with the feathering of one of the arrows and thought about all of Jeno’s activities that he knew the boy was involved in. He was a prefect, for one. That was daily responsibilities and weekly meetings and a whole lot of other stressors. He was on the soccer team, which meant multiple practices a week plus games, and he was also in speech and decathlon and who knows what else.

“Or you’d just like it to be on your applications,” Jaemin teased, enjoying the way that Jeno floundered for words. “That’s okay. I get it.” Jaemin crossed his arms over his chest and gave Jeno a wry smile. “Let’s see what you’ve got, then.”

♡♡♡

A couple of weeks went by, and Jaemin kept hooking up with Changmin. When it was late on a Saturday night, he was sick of doing homework, and Donghyuck was over at Mark’s dorm, it was easy to give in to his temptation and send a quick text that would have Changmin knocking on his door in minutes. Changmin did the same thing to Jaemin, inviting him over to hang out on weekends, which typically involved getting high together and then falling into bed. It was usually just a casual makeout and handjobs, or blowjobs, or Jaemin grinding against Changmin’s thigh. They never went all the way. It was nice, a stress reliever and nothing more. Jaemin brushed off the frequent compliments and his extensive list of activities always provided him with a legitimate excuse for why he couldn’t attend the activities that Changmin invited him to. Most of the time they spent together they were intoxicated and/or hooking up, just the way Jaemin liked it. They never got around to talking about the nature of their relationship, but maybe Jaemin should have picked up on the warning signs and realized that it was developing into more than just a casual friends-with-benefits situation for Changmin.

Hooking up with Yukhei was a mistake. Donghyuck had convinced Jaemin to come to one of the soccer team’s post-game parties, and making out with Yukhei on a dare somehow led to quick handjobs in the bathroom before anyone caught them. It was a mistake, and it didn’t feel right in the moment, and when both of them woke up in the morning with their faces smushed into the carpet of someone’s dorm room it was something that they mutually agreed would never happen again. 

A couple of days later on a Tuesday morning, Jaemin got a text from Changmin asking if he could come to Jaemin’s dorm before classes started. Jaemin thought this was an odd request—they usually only ever hooked up when they were both intoxicated, and definitely not _before_ classes. But whatever. Donghyuck was at a meeting for theater and Jaemin was actually up early for once, already showered. 

Changmin had knocked when Jaemin was almost done drying his hair. Jaemin greeted him at the door with a sunny smile and invited him to sit on Jaemin’s bed while he finished getting ready. Jaemin was in a good mood, so he decided to put on a bit of blush and lip gloss, taking the time to flick up a few strands of his hair to give it that artfully messy look. When he left the bathroom, Changmin was sitting hunched over, hands folded together, eyes fixed on something outside the window. Jaemin’s smile faltered. It was odd to see Changmin not looking perfectly cheerful, or at least not staring at Jaemin. He dropped to his knees on the floor between Changmin’s legs and placed a hand on his thigh, inching it up higher.

“Is everything alright?” Jaemin asked cautiously when Changmin didn’t immediately acknowledge his presence. He was surprised when Changmin caught his wrist, stopping his hand from advancing any further. He turned to look Jaemin in the eye, showing Jaemin the cloudy expression on his face. 

“Actually, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about.” Changmin gestured for Jaemin to join him on the bed and Jaemin did so silently, his confusion nearly overpowering his hurt pride—never before had he been told _no, get off your knees_ when he was about to give a guy head. Never.

“What is it?” Jaemin asked. He tried to remember anything that he did wrong recently—he didn’t think that he’d ignored any of his texts, or talked shit about him, or—

“I know you hooked up with Yukhei on Saturday.”

_Ah. Right. But that was okay, wasn’t it? They were just fuckbuddies, anyway, not exclusive._

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Changmin raised his voice and Jaemin recoiled, furrowing his eyebrows.

“No, but I—”

“Seriously, Jaemin. Soobin, the team captain, is my roommate.” Changmin gave a bitter laugh. “I go home for one weekend and you’re hooking up with someone else.”

Jaemin flinched at the harsh tone, his stomach sinking. Something had gone seriously wrong here.

“Changmin, I… I don’t see why you’re upset. Yeah, I hooked up with someone else, but that’s what this is, isn’t it?” Jaemin watched as something akin to realization flashed on Changmin’s face, and his expression of anger quickly smoothed out. “We fuck, but we can see other people too. I mean,” Jaemin laughed nervously, “we’re not _dating._ ”

Jaemin instantly regretted using that word, feeling it drop like a bomb between them. He nervously anticipated Changmin’s reaction. More anger? Tears? Jaemin was surprised when Changmin’s shoulders started shaking with laughter.

“Shit, yeah,” Changmin cleared his throat and gave Jaemin an apologetic smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re right. Sorry for freaking out on you.”

Changmin was looking at Jaemin now with his usual easy smile, but Jaemin knew that it couldn’t be real. Had he seriously thought that they were meant to be exclusive? If he did, there was no way that he could go from anger to happiness that quickly and not still have any resentment over it. Jaemin frowned, reaching out to hold Changmin’s hands. 

“Changmin, if you’re upset about it I totally get it, I mean we never even talked about—”

“No, it’s fine,” Changmin insisted. “I’m not upset. C’mere.”

He scooted closer to Jaemin on the bed, cupping his cheek with his hand. Jaemin’s mind whirled at the sudden change of pace, but he decided to just let the earlier conversation go. _Maybe he really was okay._

“Okay,” Jaemin breathed out, meeting Changmin’s eyes and then dropping his gaze to Changmin’s lips as he leaned in. Jaemin let Changmin take control of the kiss, slotting their lips together, licking into Jaemin’s mouth. It wasn’t long until they were both panting, Changmin rubbing at Jaemin’s growing erection through his slacks.

“Can I fuck you?” Changmin asked abruptly, pulling away. Jaemin considered this—they didn’t really have time, and his thoughts kept going back to their earlier conversation, but... he really wanted to.

“Yeah,” Jaemin agreed. Changmin smiled, kissing Jaemin again briefly before picking him up with strong hands beneath his thighs and tossing him gently up the bed. Jaemin landed with his head comfortably supported by the pillows. Changmin removed his shoes and climbed up on the bed between Jaemin’s legs, loosening his tie and throwing their jackets to the ground. Changmin kept his shirt on but undid the buttons of Jaemin’s, roughly opening it up so he could kiss over Jaemin’s chest, nipping softly at his collarbones and laving his tongue over his nipples. Jaemin moaned softly, tangling his hands in Changmin’s hair and letting his head fall back, eyes slipping shut as he enjoyed the sensations. 

Changmin didn’t make him wait for too long before he was unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants and underwear off completely, leaving Jaemin exposed on the bed. Changmin laughed as he saw how hard Jaemin was already. 

“Needy?” he asked, leaning down to lick a wet stripe up the underside of Jaemin’s cock. Jaemin nodded, letting out a sharp gasp. He bit down on the heel of his hand as Changmin sank down to the base of Jaemins cock, not wanting to be too loud. He could hear the chatter from outside his door as students made their way to class. Changmin gripped the backs of Jaemin’s thighs and bent his legs up to his chest. Jaemin held them there so that Changmin had easier access, moaning as he felt a finger finally brush over his hole. Changmin kept the head of Jaemin’s cock in his mouth as he teased his finger around the rim before slowly pushing it in, just an inch, before pulling it out again.

“Ah,” Jaemin winced. “Dry.”

Changmin hummed, pulling off of Jaemin’s cock before standing up. “Where’s the lube? And condoms?”

“Bedside drawer.” Jaemin, realizing he could reach them himself, rolled onto his side momentarily. When he turned back around, Changmin had gotten his cock out of his pants and was stroking himself to full hardness, looking down at Jaemin spread out before him with a lustful hunger in his dark eyes. Jaemin shivered, handing the lube and condoms to Changmin. As much as he wanted Changmin’s cock in him right away, he needed prep.

“Oh,” Jaemin bit his lip. “I wasn’t expecting this, so I’ll need to be stretched a little bit.”

“That’s alright. I can do it, if you want?” Jaemin nodded and Changmin’s hands went down to Jaemin’s waist, flipping him over on the bed. Changmin slid a pillow beneath Jaemin’s hips and Jaemin moaned at the friction on his cock, burying his face in his arms and trying his best not to grind on the pillow. Changmin smoothed an appreciative hand over the curve of Jaemin’s muscular back before spreading Jaemin’s cheeks apart with his hands. Jaemin thought he heard Changmin whisper a reverent _oh, my god_ before he felt the warm, wet pressure of Changmin’s tongue licking over his hole, and then dipping inside. Jaemin cursed and moaned, his toes curling. He’d never been eaten out before, but holy shit. He’d been missing out.

“C-Changmin!” he couldn’t keep from moaning, rocking his hips back in rhythm with Changmin’s tongue. He whined when, after a couple of minutes, Changmin stopped to get some lube on his fingers. 

“Gotta stretch you, remember?” Changmin’s voice was teasing and Jaemin willed himself to calm down when he felt the press of two fingers against his hole, and then Changmin was working him open. It was when Changmin finally added the third finger and pressed in deeper than before, brushing Jaemin’s prostate on the way out, that he lost his patience.

“Fuck me,” Jaemin sobbed out into his pillow, a hand reached out to weakly pull Changmin’s hand away from his hole. “Please, fuck me now.”

Changmin quickly rolled on a condom and added more lube than was probably necessary, before he was finally pushing in. Jaemin took deep breaths, gripping the sheets by his head at the familiar sting. Changmin bottomed out and paused, gently stroking the skin of Jaemin’s upper back. 

“You’re so perfect, Jaemin,” he breathed out, voice strained. Jaemin clenched around his cock, testing the stretch. He rolled his hips back and immediately moaned at the shocks of pleasure that the simple movement sent tingling up his spine, giddy with the realization that he was about to get fucked stupid.

“Please move, Changmin,” Jaemin opened his teary eyes, making eye contact with Changmin as he slowly pulled out and then filled Jaemin completely once more. “ _Yes,_ ” he moaned out, _“_ feels so good.”

Changmin quickened his pace, hands gripping tight onto Jaemin’s hips to hold him in place. The slap of skin was muffled by the fabric of Changmin’s pants and Jaemin was suddenly reminded of the fact that Changmin was almost completely dressed and Jaemin was naked. He felt a hot wave of humiliation at that, biting down on his inner arm to keep from screaming with pleasure as Changmin pounded him into the mattress, fucking him so well. Heat coiled tight in his gut and he realized he was crying, tears leaking from his eyes.

“I’m g-gonna come,” he managed, voice muffled. Changmin’s pace quickened, fucking him so hard, hands undoubtedly leaving bruises on his hips.

“Me too,” Changmin moaned. “You’re such a good fuck, Jaemin. Knew you’d be good from the moment I saw you, pretty little thing. I know you love this cock. You know I fuck you better than anyone else, baby. Tell me.”

Changmin grasped onto Jaemin’s hair, forcing his head up. More tears ran down Jaemin’s face at Changmin’s filthy words, something heavy filling his chest at the sudden possessiveness. 

“Y-yeah,” Jaemin moaned, working his hips back, feeling his orgasm so, so close on the horizon. “I love your cock so much, you fuck me so good—”

Jaemin broke off as he came with a shout, shuddering as pleasure consumed him, all of his muscles tensing up at once. He clenched tight around Changmin’s cock, pushing Changmin over the edge. He groaned as he came, burying himself deep inside of Jaemin, his hips stuttering a few times. For a few moments, the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing. Changmin recovered first, pulling out of Jaemin and removing the condom, tossing it into Jaemin’s trash can. Jaemin collapsed onto the bed, limbs heavy. 

“Jaemin?” Changmin called, concerned, stroking up and down the length of Jaemin’s back. He twisted around to face Changmin, grinning and sniffling as he wiped his tears away. 

“That was good. You made me cry.”

Changmin’s expression softened, the morning sunlight caressing the curves of his adoring smile. He leaned closer to Jaemin. “Good tears, I hope.”

Jaemin nodded in affirmation. “Good tears.”

Changmin leaned in to kiss Jaemin. Panicked, Jaemin turned his face to the side, and Changmin’s kiss landed on the corner of his mouth. Changmin seemed to freeze for a moment, and Jaemin put a hand on his chest, pushing softly.

“Changmin, I don’t think—”

“Forget it, Jaemin,” Changmin slid off the bed, hiding his expression from Jaemin. “Sorry if I was out-of-bounds.”

Jaemin frowned, watching as Changmin quickly redressed. The pit in his stomach filled with a sickly, cold feeling. He pulled a blanket over himself, feeling exposed. Changmin checked his phone with a groan.

“Shit. We’re late for classes,” Changmin said. He checked his appearance in the mirror, and then he was out the door with a _see you later._ Not once had he glanced back at Jaemin.

Jaemin considered rushing to class as well, but his spinning head made the decision for him. He laid still for a minute, thinking. He felt bad for rejecting the kiss, but the emotion in Changmin’s eyes had spooked him. The things Changmin had said, the way he growled them into Jaemin’s ear… it was all unsettling. Maybe letting Changmin fuck him was a mistake. Maybe he needed to put an end to their arrangement. He groaned as he got himself out of bed. Changmin had really done a number on him—his ass was sore, he had red finger-shaped indentations on his hips, and his legs were shaky and uncooperative. He stumbled around the room, cleaning himself off and getting dressed once again. He frowned as he realized that Changmin had ripped off one of the buttons on Jaemin’s shirt. _Oh, well_. He’d already been dress-coded once, what would one more hurt? He stripped the come-stained pillowcase off his pillow with a grimace and redid his hair, which Changmin had ruined. 

When Jaemin finally limped into the orchestra room, he was nearly twenty minutes late. He’d missed warmups completely and the conductor was already leading them through one of their pieces. Luckily, as he played piano, it was easy to slip into the back of the orchestra room without getting too much attention.

From where he sat the violin section was directly ahead of him. This always meant lots of accidental eye contact with bored students staring into space, but today Jaemin felt particularly watched by the first chair violinist. 

The fourth time that he looked at Jeno and the boy was staring back at him with a worried expression, Jaemin mouthed _“What?”_ at him. Did he really look as shitty as he felt? Jeno startled, his violin slipping from his shoulder. Jaemin giggled as Jeno recovered, looking back at Jaemin with the start of a blush on his cheeks. Over the past couple of weeks, Jaemin had gotten to know Jeno during archery practices. He wouldn’t say they were friends, exactly, but not strangers, either.

The fifth time that they made eye contact, Jeno mouthed something back. _“Are you okay?”_ Jaemin recognized it as. He blushed, smiling to himself. He sent Jeno a thumbs up and an exaggerated smile, averting his eyes and resisting the temptation to look back at Jeno for the rest of the rehearsal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	3. Used To Be Afraid of Love And What It Might Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin comes to a ~realization~
> 
> tw// derogatory language, mild anxiety attack, insecurity

Jaemin went the rest of the week without seeing Changmin. Changmin asked to meet once, on Thursday, but Jaemin rejected him with the excuse of having too much homework. He told himself that maybe if they started seeing each other less, they could go back to the way it was before, when Changmin didn’t act all possessive or try to kiss Jaemin sweetly during their post-orgasm haze. Donghyuck told him that that was bullshit. ( _“You need to rip off the band-aid, Jaemin, not peel it off slowly.”)_ The problem with that was that Jaemin hated confrontation and disappointing people. He felt Changmin’s eyes on his back during all of physics class, and Jaemin did his best to ignore the guilt gnawing at his heart.

Jaemin’s last class of the day on Friday was calculus. He was actually motivated to pay attention for once, but only because he hadn’t done very well on their last quiz. Jaemin loved language arts, music, history, and science, but when he tried to learn any math past algebra, his brain flew out the window. Every new concept that they learned took hours of practice to stick in his brain, and Jaemin would honestly like to throw himself out the window, too.

When the bell rang, he was ecstatic to return to his dorm and do nothing. Grab food with Donghyuck, maybe, or sleep. He was surprised to hear his teacher call out his name as he passed by his desk.

“Jaemin, could you please stay back for a few minutes?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jaemin waited a few moments for the classroom to empty out, feeling the typical nervousness of being singled out by a teacher. “What did you want to talk to me about, sir?”

“Well, I’m sure that you saw your grade on the last quiz.” Jaemin nodded his head, bracing himself to be lectured. “Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite up to par with how you normally do, and that quiz covered a pretty vital concept. I’d like to ensure that you understand this concept so that you won’t be confused as we continue learning. To do this, I’ve asked one of my upper-level calculus students to have a few tutoring sessions with you.”

“Sure.” Jaemin nodded again. “I would appreciate that.”

“His name is Jeno Lee, I’m sure you’ve heard of him.” Jaemin swallowed hard, nodding.“He’s a prefect, a wonderful student. He tutors many other students in calculus, too, don’t worry.” His teacher laughs as if he’s told a funny joke, and Jaemin smiles weakly. 

“Ahh—and there he is.” Jaemin looked up as the teacher gestured to the doorway, and there he was indeed. Jeno hadn't worn their typical uniform today because the soccer team had a game tonight. Instead, he and the rest of the team were permitted to wear their red team hoodies to boost school spirit. Jeno grinned at Jaemin, arching an eyebrow. Jaemin felt like scowling at Jeno, and he would, later, when they were out of his teacher’s sight.

“Jaemin?” he asked, reaching out his hand for Jaemin to shake, as if they’d never met before. Jaemin took it, a bit confused. 

“Yes,” he responded. “Jeno?”

“That’s me,” Jeno grinned, and the teacher clapped his hands together in delight. 

“Excellent! You can plan your times to meet, then. I’m off to a staff meeting. Have fun, you two.”

Jeno waved at him, and Jaemin let out a groan as soon as he was out the door. 

“Don’t be dramatic, Jaemin,” Jeno said as if reading Jaemin’s mind. Jaemin glowered at him.

“This is ridiculous,” Jaemin said. “I’m not stupid, I don’t need a tutor.”

“Getting help from a tutor doesn’t mean you’re stupid. Besides, I’m happy to help you and it will only be a couple of sessions.” _Ugh._ Why did Jeno have to be so nice all of the time?

“Fine. When?”

Eventually, they decided on Sunday afternoon for their first meeting, and Jaemin leaped up from where they’d been leaning against the teacher’s desk. He was startled when Jeno caught his wrist.

“Jaemin, wait,” Jeno released his hold on Jaemin’s hold when he turned back to face the other boy, reluctance clear in his expression. “I wanted to ask you a favor.”

“Oh, god. What do you want?”

Jeno huffed. “It’s not that bad. I was just wondering, if you had time after school today, if you could help me with archery a bit more. You’re really good, and I just want to catch up with the others.”

A wide grin spread across Jaemin’s face. The first day that Jeno had come to him asking to join the team, Jaemin had been pleasantly surprised to find that Jeno actually wasn’t half-bad at archery. He was muscular enough from soccer and retained enough skill from his previous experience for Jaemin to consider it worth his time to keep Jeno on the team. Jeno was still noticeably behind the others, though, and Jaemin found it amusing to watch the way that Jeno’s jaw would clench in frustration when his average score for the week was lower than the rest, not meeting whatever goal he had set for himself. While Jaemin admired his bravery in putting himself in a vulnerable position like this, it also gave him some satisfaction to watch Jeno, perfect Jeno, struggle at something for once. It wasn’t like Jaemin was untalented, or bad at school—he got good grades, nearly perfect, even—it was just that Jeno’s _were_ perfect, and he seemed perfect in every other aspect of his life as well. Jaemin reveled in this one area of his life where he was better than Jeno, for once.

“Isn’t it game day?” Jaemin’s eyes flickered down to Jeno’s hoodie.

“Yes, but… I don’t know, I just wanted to ask. If you don’t want to do it, that’s okay—”

Jaemin seized an alarmed Jeno by his upper arm and dragged him from the classroom.

“Don’t you worry, Lee. I’m gonna tutor _you_.”

When they got to the archery facility it was empty, as expected on a Friday afternoon. Jeno went to pick out his bow and Jaemin got some arrows for him, and then took a seat on one of the benches that lined the wall opposite of the targets. Jeno began practicing, and Jaemin gave him pointers occasionally. Jeno became increasingly tense as the minutes passed. He was doing great—almost every shot was barely outside of the bullseye—but it obviously wasn’t good enough for him. As Jeno missed again his shoulders hiked up, face tightening. He turned to face Jaemin, groaning.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” 

Jaemin approached Jeno, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that archery is more mental than physical.” Jeno nodded, his eyes fixed on Jaemin’s, paying him the utmost attention. Jaemin fidgeted under that piercing gaze. “What helps me is to find a way to clear my mind before I shoot so that I’m not thinking about anything but archery,” Jaemin explained. “Take a few deep breaths before you shoot, and focus. That will be especially important when it comes to actual competitions. You’ve got everything it takes, Jeno.”

Jeno nodded, exhaling the breath he seemed to have been holding. “Okay.” He squared up to the target once more, nocking an arrow. Jaemin was about to step back when Jeno glanced back over his shoulder. “Can you check my posture one more time?”

Jaemin chuckled. “Sure.” After a moment of hesitation, he reached out and gently put his hands on Jeno’s hips. It was the lightest of touches, but Jaemin still felt it as a tiny shiver ran up Jeno’s spine. Jeno was taller than him, Jaemin’s chin nearly level with his shoulder. “Move your right foot a little more forward,” he spoke softly, as their faces were mere inches apart. “Okay, you’re squared off? Then make sure your hips are level over your feet, and your shoulders are level over your hips. Spine straight,” Jaemin ran his hands up Jeno’s back, settling gently over his shoulders. “Good. You can pull the string back,” Jeno did, and Jaemin felt as Jeno’s back muscles flexed, hard beneath his palms. “90-degree angles,” Jaemin reminded, running his hand along the underside of Jeno’s arms. “String back to your mouth. Okay, deep breaths.”

Jaemin took a step back, watching as Jeno inhaled and exhaled. His eyelashes were long and dark, jawline strong, black hair fluffy over his forehead. _He’s gorgeous._ The thought was short-lived, Jaemin pushing it aside as Jeno released the bowstring. The arrow flew, and—

“Bullseye!” Jaemin cheered, practically bouncing up and down with pride. Jeno turned, looking shocked. “Ten points for Jeno Lee!”

A smile broke out on Jeno’s face, the brightest and most genuine Jaemin had ever seen on the boy. His left arm was still occupied by his bow, but he raised his right arm just a fraction. Maybe it was just for a high five, but Jaemin saw his opportunity and seized it. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Jeno and tucking his face against his shoulder. His heart stopped momentarily, thinking maybe Jeno didn’t want the contact, but then Jeno’s right arm came to wrap around Jaemin’s shoulders, pulling him in tight. It was warm, and Jeno smelled like honey, and butterflies were swooping in his stomach. Jaemin couldn’t keep the smile off of his face when he pulled away.

“That was amazing, Jaemin,” Jeno said breathlessly, his eyes sparkling. “Thank you.” His pale cheeks had gone pink. Jaemin took a step back before he did something extremely fucking stupid, like kiss the smile off of Jeno’s face.

Jaemin was about to respond when he saw Jeno’s expression falter, eyes fixing on something behind Jaemin. Jaemin turned, heart dropping when he saw Changmin. He was standing by the entrance to the facility, arms crossed over his chest, expressionless. 

“Jaemin, can I talk to you?” he called. Jaemin bit his lip. 

“Well, I’m kind of in the middle of—”

“Now, please,” Changmin’s voice was stern. 

Jaemin raised his eyebrows, turning back to Jeno. Jeno’s expression was unreadable, and Jaemin felt as if he’d had a door slammed in his face.

“Relationship issues?” Jeno asked. He kept his voice low, but it was still stinging. Jaemin frowned. 

“He’s not my—”

“Sure, Jaemin,” Jeno chuckled, but there was no humor in his voice. _Ouch._ There were so many things that Jaemin wanted to say to Jeno, but Changmin’s eyes were heavy on his back. 

“Good job today, Jeno,” Jaemin said quietly.

As he reluctantly turned and walked away, he never heard a response.

♡♡♡

Changmin and Jaemin stepped outside of the facility and walked a little way down the deserted hallway, toward the locker rooms. Eventually, Jaemin could no longer stand the tension and he stopped, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall.

“What do you want?” he asked sharply. Things had been so good with Jeno, and Changmin’s arrival changed that for some reason. He wasn’t sure if he could put up with much more shit.

Changmin put his hands up defensively. “No need to get upset. I just wanted to talk.”

“So talk,” Jaemin sighed, trying to relax.

“You and Jeno looked like you were having fun,” Changmin said, crossing his arms over his chest. Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yeah. He asked me for extra help because he’s new to the team.”

“And you really like him, huh?” Changmin asked. Jaemin opened his mouth to protest, but Changmin’s eyes darkened suddenly. “Would you fuck him?”

“What does it matter to you?” Jaemin spat back.

Changmin seemed to realize his mistake and backtracked. 

“It doesn’t.” _A lie._ “I just feel like you haven’t really been into our relationship recently.”

“What relationship, Changmin?” Jaemin hissed. “We’re not together, I’m not… I’m not _yours_. You have no right to tell me who I can and can’t hook up with. If you can’t understand that, then this is over.”

“Fine. We’re done,” Changmin’s mouth pressed into a hard line, hands curling into fists as he stared at Jaemin with fury in his eyes. “I should’ve known that a whore like you couldn’t be happy with just one dick.” Changmin shouldered past Jaemin and walked away.

Jaemin took a couple deep, shuddering breaths, trying to relieve the weight that felt like it was crushing his chest. In the end it was useless, and Jaemin felt hot tears spill down his cheeks. He covered his mouth with his hand to muffle his cries, sliding down the wall as his shoulders shook. That word tore into his heart and left a gaping hole behind, and Jaemin’s chest felt like it was collapsing. He got his phone out of his bag and, with shaky fingers, typed a quick message.

**You**

i really need your help

i feel like i can’t breathe

**Donghyuck☀️**

jaemin where are you

**You**

archery facility

**Donghyuck☀️**

i’m coming

True to his words, Donghyuck came running down the hallway less than a minute later. Jaemin had managed to get his breathing mostly under control, but at the sight of his best friend, his concerned eyes, Jaemin broke down again. Donghyuck knelt by his side, wrapping his arms around Jaemin’s trembling shoulders. He pulled him against his chest and rubbed his back soothingly.

“Shh,” he comforted. “Breathe, Jaemin. Breathe for me, sweetheart.”

Jaemin nodded, sinking into the comfort of Donghyuck’s arms and closing his eyes, focusing on just steadying his breath. He didn’t know how much time passed before he finally felt like he could talk without crying. He wiped his tears on the sleeve of his jacket.

“It was Changmin.” Jaemin felt Donghyuck stiffen. Donghyuck, who had never approved of Changmin. “He was getting so possessive. We ended things, and he… he called me a—a whore.”

Donghyuck’s arms tightened around Jaemin. “God. Fuck. That fucking asshole,” Donghyuck growled. And then lighter, playfully, “I’ll kill him, Jaemin, I really will. For you.”

Jaemin giggled, patting Donghyuck’s arm. “Please don’t do that, Hyuckie. What would I do if you went to prison?”

“You’re right,” Donghyuck sighed. “Unfortunately. Are you ready to go back to the room?”

Jaemin nodded, but the sound of footsteps caught his attention. It was Jeno, leaving the archery facility. Jaemin covered his face as Jeno’s eyes fell on his crumpled form, feeling himself blush down to his toes.

“I don’t want to talk to him, Hyuck, please,” Jaemin whispered. Donghyuck’s eyes widened at the desperation in Jaemin’s voice. Beneath the concern in his eyes lay a million questions, Jaemin knew. Donghyuck stood up and went to intercept Jeno before he could get too close to Jaemin.

“No offense, Jeno, but go away,” Donghyuck said sternly. Jaemin picked himself up from the floor.

“But—” Jeno protested. Donghyuck grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, pushing him lightly. 

“Go. Away.”

Donghyuck held Jaemin by the arm and led him down the hallway, away from Jeno. Jaemin felt Jeno’s eyes following him the whole way. As soon as Jeno was out of earshot, Donghyuck turned to Jaemin. 

“You have so much explaining to do.”

Jaemin sighed deeply.

“I know.”

♡♡♡

When they got back to the room, Jaemin immediately face-planted into his bed. He took a deep breath, burying his face into his blankets, before deciding he was okay and rolling over, sitting up. 

“Oh hey, Mark,” Jaemin said, blinking at the black-haired boy who was laying on Donghyuck’s bed, curiously peering over at Jaemin. An anime was open on his laptop, paused, his jacket and tie were discarded on the floor, and his shirt was half-unbuttoned, rumpled as if it had been pulled open. 

“Hey, Jaemin.”

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” Jaemin said, grinning at Donghyuck as he came into the room, sitting next to Mark.

“Kind of,” said Mark at the same time as Donghyuck said “yes.”

“That’s alright though, because now I get to interrogate you,” Donghyuck said, a hint of evil seeping into his smile. 

“Fine,” Jaemin said. “Shoot.”

Donghyuck opened his mouth, but Mark interrupted, placing a hand on Donghyuck’s exposed thigh. “Wait! I just got a text from Jeno: ‘You’re with Jaemin and Donghyuck, right? Is Jaemin okay?’”

Jaemin’s heart did a rather irritating flip.

“Very interesting. So, Jaemin. Why does Jeno care about you so much? Have you two been, I don’t know, talking recently?” Donghyuck asked. Jaemin scowled, and Mark texted Jeno something with a smirk on his face.

“We haven’t been _talking_. We don’t even text. He just joined the archery team, so I’ve been helping him. Oh, and he’s going to be tutoring me in calc. But that’s it,” Jaemin insisted. The memory of Jeno holding Jaemin close as they hugged suddenly surfaced in his mind and Jaemin couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, now he’s asking for your number!” Mark squealed, hitting Donghyuck’s leg excitedly. Jaemin groaned, face-planting in a pillow. _Children. He was dealing with actual children._

“Oh my god! Send it to him,” Donghyuck urged, watching Mark type.

“Are you guys even listening to me? Do not send it to him!” Jaemin shouted. 

Mark’s finger hovered over the send button.

“Why not?” Donghyuck asked, frowning. “Jeno didn’t do anything, did he?”

“No! No, but…” Jaemin couldn’t think of an excuse, and he felt his face heat up. 

“Aww,” Donghyuck cooed, crossing the room to come sit by Jaemin. “Do you like him? You’re blushing.”

“I do not like him,” Jaemin said. The feeling of Jeno’s back muscles flexing beneath his palms flashed in his mind. “I don’t know. Maybe, a little bit.”

His face was fully red now, and he covered it with a pillow as Donghyuck slung his arm around Jaemin’s shoulders.

“Aww, Jaemin. I haven’t seen you like this since…” Donghyuck trailed off. _Since I got my heart broken in sixth year and decided I was done dating._ “It’s okay! You’re just nervous.”

A moment of silence passed with Jaemin leaning his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder, Donghyuck ruffling his hair. Jaemin knew painful memories were resurfacing for both of them.

“So can I send it, or…?” Mark asked. Jaemin looked down, fiddling with his fingers.

“I don’t know…” Jaemin said. Truthfully, he was scared. He was comfortable with his current lifestyle—just hooking up, no feelings involved—and he didn’t know if he wanted to interrupt that and risk getting his feelings hurt. He hardly knew Jeno, and yet his heart raced at the tiniest things he did. It was terrifying, but also exciting. His heart ached, occasionally, when he watched Mark and Donghyuck together—their easy, familiar touches, the way they knew each other inside and out. Jaemin couldn’t lie and say he didn’t want that for himself, but did Jeno really deserve someone like himself? Jeno was so flawless, pure-hearted, and downright beautiful. Jaemin was fucked up on the inside. He made bad decisions. He’d only be a burden for Jeno. The sudden insecurities took Jaemin by surprise.

“Jaemin, I can’t promise that he will reciprocate feelings, but I’m telling you right now that Jeno is a really good guy. He would never hurt you on purpose,” Mark said. Jaemin bit his lip and took a deep breath, shoving his insecurities back into the dark place where they normally resided. 

“Alright,” he agreed, watching Mark press send. Instantly, Donghyuck leaped up from the bed with a loud whoop. Mark joined in his celebration, and Jaemin was forced to watch as the two of them danced around the dorm room. “You guys are such dorks,” Jaemin complained. Donghyuck winked at Jaemin, and Jaemin didn’t have enough time to shield his eyes before Donghyuck was grabbing Mark by the collar and kissing him with a loud smack of their lips. “My eyes!” Jaemin cried out dramatically. 

“Aww, Nana!” Donghyuck hugged Jaemin tightly, and Jaemin felt something akin to relief wash through him. He laughed, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and pushing him onto the bed. Donghyuck pulled Jaemin down with him, giggling. Mark watched the two of them playfight fondly.

“I’ve gotta head out,” he said, grabbing his stuff. Donghyuck poked his head up.

“Good luck, baby! I’ll be there!” Donghyuck blew Mark a kiss, and Mark pretended to catch it, blowing one back.

Jaemin gagged. “You guys are seriously revolting.”

Donghyuck disregarded this. “Are you coming to the game tonight?”

Jaemin hadn’t been to a soccer game in years. He usually preferred football games, or just not sitting in the freezing cold and pretending to watch a sport that he really just didn’t care about.

“Mmm, I don’t know,” Jaemin said. “Maybe.”

“You should, it’ll be fun! Changmin probably won’t be there, and Jeno will definitely be there. Plus, we can get drunk after.”

Jaemin grinned at his friend. “You drive a hard bargain, Donghyuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	4. I Never Thought That I Would Find A Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin goes to a party ＼(＾▽＾)／
> 
> tw//drinking, mentioned hook-up

At 6:00, Donghyuck and Jaemin headed out to meet people in the dining hall for dinner. Donghyuck advised Jaemin to dress warmly, as the soccer stadium was outside and the October wind was biting. Jaemin dressed in black jeans, his scarlet, oversized hoodie with the school’s logo, and his black adidas sneakers. Over the top, he put on a black coat that reached to mid-thigh and, after some deliberation, a white winter hat with their school’s logo and a cute scarlet pom pom. He shoved his gloves, wallet, and phone into his pockets before hurrying after Donghyuck, who was dressed similarly. Jaemin felt a tiny bit nervous, but only because Donghyuck had said that they were going to be meeting with his “choir friends,” not naming any names.

The choir friends turned out to be Renjun, Chenle, and Xiaojun. Jaemin waved to Renjun, who gave him a polite nod. They’d never been close, but Donghyuck liked him, so Jaemin figured that there must be something special about Renjun beneath the flat expression he usually wore. Plus, Jaemin knew that Renjun was one of Jeno’s best friends. Chenle was loud. He greeted Jaemin excitedly, with a smile so bright it almost hurt Jaemin’s eyes. He learned that Chenle was actually a sixth year, but his best friend Jisung was on the team and Chenle’s other friends didn’t like going to the games so he usually tagged along with the seventh years. Xiaojun was a bit more reserved, like Renjun, but greeted Jaemin with a friendly smile. Jaemin wondered how he had never seen Xiaojun around before, and he learned that Xiaojun only transferred here this year. His boyfriend, Hendery, was on the team. 

They ate dinner quickly before they made their way down to the stadium. Jaemin felt anticipation fill his chest as the field came into view. The green grass sparkled beneath the bright, towering lights. The teams were out on the field, players in scarlet uniforms warming up on one half and players in blue on the other. Fans nearly filled up the stadium, with parents attending to watch their children and students from both schools attending to support their teams. The group of five squeezed into the fan section, Donghyuck managing to get them good seats. Jaemin observed their players, trying to see if he could recognize Jeno and Mark. He chatted with Donghyuck, who pointed out certain people to him. Jeno, a wing player, was making crosses to the attackers, while Mark was playing keep-away with the other midfielders.

After what felt like forever with the wind biting at his nose, the referee blew his whistle, and the players lined up for introductions and the national anthem. Then, finally, the players jogged onto the field and into their formations, and the game began. 

He followed Jeno intently with his eyes whenever he had the ball. An odd sense of nervousness filled him, especially when Jeno collided with other players, but Donghyuck soothed his worries. Soccer was a very physical game, especially for a midfielder like Mark. Jaemin didn’t know how Donghyuck could stay so calm as Mark threw his body around like that.

“You get used to it,” Donghyuck explained. They were huddled together, sharing body warmth. “Oh! Look!”

Jaemin looked. Jeno was sprinting down the wing of the field with the ball. It seemed as if their team had caught the other team off-guard, the defenders sprinting to get back towards their goal and one defender running to stop Jeno. Jaemin waited nervously for the two to collide, but Jeno was faster. He cut inside, blocking the defender from stealing the ball or knocking it away, and crossed. Jaemin followed the ball with his eyes, awed, as it sailed in a perfect arc to the goal. He realized that at some point the other attackers had made their way to the goal, and Soobin was in the perfect position to receive the ball. Life seemed to move in slow motion as Soobin leaped above the defenders, and with a simple flick of his head redirected the ball to the corner of the net. 

Donghyuck jumped up in delight, and the rest of the crowd did the same, roaring. Jaemin cheered, hugging Donghyuck in his excitement, but he kept his eyes glued to the field. Jeno had run towards Soobin and Soobin caught him when Jeno leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly, a triumphant smile on his face. Soobin spun Jeno around and the rest of their teammates encircled them in a victory celebration. 

From there, the energy was restored to the game, and their team went on to score two more goals before the final whistle was blown. One was a dazzling strike by Mark from the top of the penalty box, and the other was off a penalty kick taken by Soobin.

“What now?” Jaemin wondered aloud as the fans began to filter out of the stadium. He wondered if Donghyuck was going to run onto the field, kissing Mark like they would in a movie. Donghyuck snorted, probably knowing what Jaemin was imagining.

“Now they have to go into the locker room so that their coach can talk to them, and then they shower and we meet them for the afterparty.”

Jaemin nodded. He knew that part. The afterparties for the games were held in the Spruce wing—because Jeno wasn’t a strict prefect and wouldn’t report drinking to the teachers—in the common room for the fifth to seventh year students. The common room was filled with couches and tables, and several hallways that led off to the dorm rooms. Teachers rarely entered the common rooms, trusting the prefects to be in charge. 

Jaemin and Donghyuck stopped by their room to shed their coats and hats, and grab alcohol. Donghyuck had been close with many of the upperclassmen, and now graduated, they came through with booze every couple of weeks. Jaemin poured some vodka into an empty plastic water bottle, enough to get drunk but not wasted. 

By the time that they arrived, the soccer team had too. People were scattered around the common room in groups. Someone had turned the lights low, the space illuminated mainly by the blue LEDs strung along the walls. Donghyuck guided Jaemin over to the largest, noisiest group, where most of the players were hanging out. Mark, sitting on the floor, grinned when he saw Donghyuck, clearly already a little tipsy judging by his glossy, wide eyes. 

“Hyuck!” He pulled Donghyuck down half into his lap. Donghyuck went with an affectionate eye roll, wrapping an arm around Mark’s neck and pushing his face away when Mark tried to land a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “And Jaemin!” Mark cried out again, noticing the other boy. He patted the space on the ground next to him. Jaemin frowned as he looked around, not seeing Jeno anywhere. He sat down, slightly uncomfortable with the feeling of multiple pairs of eyes on him. 

“I’m guessing that Jeno doesn’t go to parties?” he asked. Mark shook his head.

“Nah. He hates big groups of people. You could probably go find him in his dorm room or at Renjun’s,” Mark said. Jaemin felt slightly put out by this. He would’ve loved to see Jeno tonight and congratulate him on the goal. He took a swig from his bottle, wincing as it burned on the way down.

Someone suggested playing a game and they decided on truth or dare. It turned into just dare, though, because no one wanted to ask truth. Jaemin kept drinking the whole time, finishing his water bottle. He remembers kissing Yukhei, again, and Soobin kissing him. There might have been a few others, but at that point he didn’t remember and didn’t care. Getting bored of the game, he stood up and went over to the table where there were more random bottles of alcohol. He picked up a random one with raspberry-flavored vodka and poured himself some, then diluted it down with soda. Turning around, he was surprised to see Soobin approaching him. All Jaemin knew about him was that he was Changmin’s roommate, and really good at soccer—he’d always been reserved, stoic, somewhat of a mystery. Oh, and now he also knew the feeling of Soobin’s lips on his thanks to the game. Jaemin swallowed nervously, wondering what Soobin had heard about him from Changmin. 

“Hey, Soobin,” Jaemin said, keeping his voice as casual as possible. 

“Jaemin.” Soobin stopped by Jaemin’s side, perusing the table. Jaemin leaned back on the table and took a sip of his drink, observing Soobin as he picked out one of the bottles and uncapped it. Soobin was very tall and slim, hair dyed a light brown. 

“Good game,” Jaemin complimented. 

“You came?”

“Um, yeah,” Jaemin responded, startled when Soobin suddenly raised the bottle to his mouth and started drinking it straight. Soobin coughed when he was done, wiping his mouth. 

“You good, man?” Jaemin raised his eyebrows, taking the bottle from Soobin’s hands before he decided to start chugging again. That would result in an ugly end to the night. 

“Yeah,” Soobin laughed, shaking his head. He leaned one hand on the table, looking down at Jaemin intently. His eyes were hazy, but he seemed steady on his feet. Something in Jaemin’s stomach turned over as he met Soobin’s dark gaze. “Changmin’s being a fucking bitch, though. I suppose that has something to do with you?”

Jaemin nodded, taking another drink from his cup and trying to keep the sour expression off his face. “Yeah, that’s over now,” he said, not feeling like elaborating much.

“I’m glad,” Soobin responded. Jaemin raised an eyebrow at him, surprised. He turned to face Soobin.

“Why’s that?” Jaemin asked, voice low. Soobin grinned, and he was different like that. All sharp teeth and dimples and boyish, messy hair. Jaemin was in his element.

“No more sexiling, I hope,” Soobin teased.

“That was one time!” Jaemin protested, face heating up as he remembered that night.

“It was my couch, though.”

“Oh, no!” Jaemin giggled and stumbled forward, Soobin catching him with his hands on Jaemin’s arms. Jaemin cupped his own blushing, warm face with his hands and peered up at Soobin. “I’m so sorry. Could you ever forgive me?”

“Depends,” Soobin said, raising an eyebrow.  _ A challenge.  _ Jaemin mulled over the words that he was about to say in his head. He honestly hadn’t come to the party expecting to hook up with anyone, especially not Soobin, but it always ended up this way, didn’t it? Jaemin also knew that he would find a sick sort of pleasure in hooking up with Changmin’s roommate.

“I could make it up to you,” He murmured. He rested his hands on Soobin’s chest. Soobin’s heartbeat was directly beneath his right palm, rapid and strong. 

“How would you do that?” Soobin sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he looked down at Jaemin. Jaemin’s gaze fixated on Soobin’s lips. 

“Get me alone, and I’ll show you.” Jaemin smiled as he watched Soobin’s self-control disintegrate right in front of his eyes. Soobin was so tall that Jaemin had to get up on his tiptoes and guide his face down with a hand tangled in his hair before he was able to slot their lips together. Soobin responded instantly, intensely, pulling their bodies flush against one another with a hand on Jaemin’s lower back. 

Soobin broke the kiss suddenly, breath catching.

“Let’s go to the upstairs bathroom. Less people than the first floor one, probably.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Jaemin said, letting Soobin guide him to the stairs with a hand on his forearm. They were halfway up the stairs when Jaemin stumbled, drunker than he realized. He grabbed onto Soobin to steady himself, giggling.

“You good?” Soobin asked. 

“Yeah. Just… just…” Jaemin couldn’t find the words he wanted, alcohol and lust clouding his mind and making it hard to think. There was a nagging thought at the back of his mind, something telling him that he shouldn’t be doing this. He couldn’t remember why. 

“Drunk?” Soobin finished for him with a grin. He backed Jaemin up against the wall, metal railing pressing into the small of Jaemin’s back, and Jaemin’s arms went around his neck easily. Jaemin nodded, swallowing hard at Soobin’s hungry expression. The lighting in the stairwell was dim, but Jaemin could still make out the glint in his eyes. 

“God. You’re so dangerous,” Soobin murmured. Jaemin moaned softly as he forced his thigh between Jaemin’s legs, thigh providing delicious friction against his crotch. Soobin tilted Jaemin’s face up with a hand beneath his chin, his thumb pressing firmly into Jaemin’s lower lip and forcing his mouth open. “You know what people say about this mouth, don’t you?” Jaemin closed his eyes, whining in embarrassment. “Should we see if the rumors are true?”

And then he was kissing Jaemin, tongue slipping into his mouth. It was fervent, hot and messy as Soobin’s hands grasped his waist, fingers dipping beneath the hem of his hoodie and grazing bare, hot skin. The alcohol on Soobin’s tongue tasted like gasoline, electrifying Jaemin’s body. He arched his back desperately, hips grinding down against the hard length of Soobin’s leg. Soobin tugged the collar of Jaemin’s hoodie to the side to leave bites and kisses on the long column of his neck. Jaemin threw his head back against the stone, melting into the sensations. 

Somewhere through the haze of drink and neediness, Jaemin thought he heard voices. He concentrated, and yes, those were definitely voices, getting closer.

“Soobin,” he whispered, pushing at the boy’s shoulders. “Stop.” 

Soobin did so immediately, looking disgruntled. “What—”

Jaemin just hushed him. His heart pounded in his chest, and he felt Soobin go still as he heard the voices as well. If they were students, then they were probably okay, but if it was a teacher they were screwed. 

Someone laughed loudly, and it was a voice that Jaemin recognized. He felt his heart sink. Soobin snorted, obviously finding the situation funny. His hands skirted up the back of Jaemin’s hoodie, fingers scratching pleasantly at his skin. Jaemin probably would have been laughing, too, if it were anyone other than Jeno. 

“Junnie—” Jeno broke off from whatever he was saying as he rounded the corner, Renjun in tow, and spotted Jaemin. Two prefects, just Jaemin’s luck. He felt a hot wave of shame and tried to hide behind Soobin’s frame, but it was too late. Jeno’s face fell as his eyes skirted over Jaemin’s hands on Soobin’s back and Soobin’s hands up Jaemin’s hoodie, the way that their bodies were pressed so tightly together. Jaemin saw the way that Renjun wrinkled his nose in distaste. They had to have been able to smell the alcohol on the two of them. Jeno’s hair was still damp from his shower, dark and messy over his forehead, and he was wearing a large hoodie and basketball shorts. He was walking Renjun back to his dorm room, maybe, or getting food. Jaemin didn’t know if he was imagining the hurt in Jeno’s eyes. 

“Renjun, let’s just go,” Jeno said quietly, walking past without acknowledging either of them. Renjun opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but Jeno tugged him along. Jaemin watched them leave and felt his heart ache. Part of him wanted to chase Jeno and apologize, but he wasn’t sure what he could apologize for. When they were out of sight, Soobin drew Jaemin close again. Jaemin tried to shake off the embarrassment he felt, giving Soobin a smile that he hoped looked real enough. 

“That was awkward,” Soobin said with a grin that suggested he didn’t care one bit.

“Yeah,” Jaemin agreed, dropping his gaze to Soobin’s mouth. “Now, where were we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	5. Never Have I Ever Met Somebody Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin deals with the consequences of his exciting night pt.2  
>  +flirtatious banter!

Jaemin’s phone buzzed, and he picked his head up from where he’d buried it in his blankets. 

**Donghyuck☀️**

you didn’t tell me you hooked up with soobin??

**You**

…

It was noon on Saturday morning and Donghyuck was out at a choir event. Jaemin had texted his coach earlier to let her know that he wasn’t going to be able to make it to archery practice. True, he didn’t feel good physically, but the number of times that he’d gone to practice with a hangover was innumerable. Truthfully, Jaemin just didn’t want to see Jeno. A fresh wave of regret hit Jaemin hard. Soobin was great and the actual hook up was fun, but Jaemin felt so guilty. He hadn’t received a text from Jeno since Mark had given him his number, and now he wondered if he ever would.

**Donghyuck☀️**

good lord jaemin

what’s changmin going to do if he finds out?

**You**

idc about changmin

wait how did you find out about this anyways?

**Donghyuck☀️**

chenle in choir

**You**

what?

oh

renjun

**Donghyuck☀️**

renjun? asjskdkfj what

**You**

long story

i’ll tell you later

**Donghyuck☀️**

jaemin na get back here this instant

Jaemin tossed his phone down and tried to pull himself together a little bit. Just because his social life was going to shit didn’t mean that his grades had to follow. He sat at his desk and took notes for history and worked on his English essay for a couple of hours until he heard the door click open. Donghyuck came in quietly, putting his arms around Jaemin’s shoulders and kissing the top of his head. 

“How are you?” Donghyuck asked softly.

“I’ve been better,” Jaemin answered honestly. “How was choir?”

“Good,” Donghyuck replied, waving his hand in the air, “but that’s not important. What happened last night?”

“I got drunk,” Jaemin moved to sit down on his bed and Donghyuck followed. 

“And Soobin happened? But how does Renjun come into the story?”

Jaemin groaned. “Oh my god. Okay, so Soobin and I were making out in the stairwell—”

“Naturally.”

Jaemin narrowed his eyes at Donghyuck. “Anyways, we were making out and Renjun and Jeno came down the stairs and saw us,” Jaemin put his face in his hands. “He looked so… angry? Or sad? I don’t even know, but it was so embarrassing. He definitely thinks I’m a whore now, with Changmin, Yukhei,  _ and  _ Soobin.”

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck said sharply. “Don’t ever call yourself that. Jeno would never think that about you. Plus, there’s a bright side here.”

Jaemin looked up. “There is?”

“Yeah. If Jeno looked upset, that means that he was jealous, or he at least cares about you,” Donghyuck said excitedly.

“Or he could’ve just been mad that two drunk kids were making out in his stairwell.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Jeno doesn’t care about stuff like that,” Donghyuck insisted. “This might not be as bad as you think it is. Talk to him.”

“How?”

“I mean, I have his number…”

Jaemin groaned. “Okay, fine.” He picked up his phone, breath catching as he saw the texts on his lockscreen. “Oh, fuck.”

“What?” Donghyuck gazed over Jaemin’s shoulder at the screen and grinned. There were two texts from an unknown number, sent a couple of hours ago.

**(xxx)-xxx-xxxx**

hi, jaemin?

this is jeno

“Ooh,” Donghyuck put his chin in his cupped palms. “Answer him.”

**You**

yeah this is jaemin

Jaemin looked over at Donghyuck, scowling. “Happy now?”

Donghyuck patted Jaemin’s shoulders. “Yep!” He went over to get changed, while Jaemin laid back on his bed, biting his lip. He stared at the conversation when he suddenly noticed that the typing bubble had popped up. He panicked and swiped out of the chat as fast as he could.

**Jeno**

i was wondering if we’re still on for tutoring tomorrow?

“Fuck,” Jaemin whispered. He’d forgotten about that. There really was no avoiding Jeno, huh?

**You**

sure

what time?

**Jeno**

does 2:00 work? in the library?

**You**

sounds good

Jaemin took a deep breath, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. _ Fuck it. _

**You**

by the way congratulations on the goal yesterday!

**Jeno**

oh

thank you😊

and i’m sorry

**You**

for what??

**Jeno**

i was rude to you yesterday

when changmin came in during archery

**You**

that’s okay

i’m the one who should be apologizing

i put us in kind of an awkward position

**Jeno**

haha don’t worry about it

i’ll see you tmrw?

**You**

yep!

♡♡♡

  
  


Jaemin entered the library at 1:59. He was nervous, which was very unlike him. Even though it was a Sunday and the students usually just wear sweatpants and hoodies, he’d put on jeans and a cute sweater. He was frustrated at himself for caring, but he felt like he had to prove himself to Jeno for some reason. He looked around the library, a huge, old-fashioned space with towering bookcases and dozens of tables. He spotted Jeno at one of the tables in a corner of the library. He was dressed casually, in a quarter-zip sweatshirt and adidas sweatpants, glasses on his nose. He was typing something on his laptop, looking focused. Jaemin approached hesitantly.

“Hello,” Jaemin said, pulling out the chair beside Jeno. Jeno looked up at Jaemin and smiled, eyes forming their typical crescent-moons.

“Hi.” Jeno shut his laptop and cleared the space in front of them. Jaemin took out his textbook and put it between them with a thud. “I missed you at archery yesterday.”

Jaemin looked at Jeno and found nothing but genuine concern in his eyes. He felt a pang of overwhelming guilt. What made him worthy of Jeno’s concern?

“I didn’t feel very good after Friday night,” Jaemin said, meeting Jeno’s eyes with a wry smile. 

“Yeah, I suppose,” Jeno laughed. He placed his hand in the space between them, biting his lip. “Listen, Jaemin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brushed you off like that when you said that you and Changmin aren’t dating. I wasn’t the reason why you were crying, right?” Jeno asked, eyes wide.

“No!” Jaemin exclaimed, and then cleared his throat, and said, quieter, “no, that was Changmin. It’s fine, really. We weren’t dating, but I ended whatever it was. He’s an asshole.” Jaemin laughed at himself, rubbing a hand over his face. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

“You can talk to me if you want, Jaemin,” Jeno said. Jaemin met his big brown eyes and felt a pleasant warmth spread through his chest. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Jaemin said quietly. Their moment was broken by Jeno bringing his hand down on the textbook.

“Ready to learn some calculus?” Jeno asked, much too enthusiastic about the prospect, and Jaemin nodded reluctantly. Jeno just shot him an amused smirk.

True to Jaemin’s expectations, Jeno was a good tutor. He explained things well and was patient with Jaemin when he didn’t understand things right away. Jaemin found that he was actually confident about the concepts for once, and they stuck in his brain instead of him grasping desperately at the knowledge as it faded away. He just wished that he wasn’t distracted by the curve of Jeno’s mouth when he was talking, or the veins in his hand when he was writing, but he was. Hopelessly so. 

♡♡♡

Jaemin found himself back in the library after classes the next day.

“What’s up?” 

Jaemin looked up from his physics homework, grinning as he saw Jeno approaching his table in the library. He appeared to be in an excellent mood, fluffy hair bouncing with each step he took, smile lighting up his entire face. Jaemin was startled to realize how genuinely happy he was to see Jeno, but brushed it off as being excited for a distraction from his homework.

“Not much,” Jaemin replied, giving Jeno an obnoxious wink. “Just couldn’t stay away from me, huh?”

Jeno scoffed, but the smile returned to his face a moment later.  _ His eyes are doing the cute thing,  _ Jaemin’s conscience supplied helpfully. He instantly scolded himself for noticing such a thing.

“Hardly.” Jeno leaned against the table and revealed a slip of paper from behind his back. Jaemin looked up at him expectantly. “You’re kind of a rule-breaker, you know that?”

“Huh?” Jaemin said, confused, and then his eyes fell to the piece of paper that Jeno was sliding across the table toward him. He read the first word and let out a groan.

“ _ Detention _ ? For literally what?” 

Jeno pointed to the list of reasons why Jaemin had been assigned detention, but Jaemin slapped a hand over the paper to obscure his view.

“No, Jeno,” Jaemin scolded. Jeno raised his eyebrows at Jaemin’s tone, mirth dancing in his eyes. “Give me one good reason why I—perfect Jaemin Na—should be subjected to hours of sitting in silence, surrounded by  _ delinquents _ ? Stoners, and vandals, and,” Jaemin gasped dramatically, “and people who disrespect teachers, Jeno.”

Jeno had sat through Jaemin’s little rant with a smile on his face, and it didn’t leave his lips now as he shook his head at Jaemin’s theatrics.

“Well, let me tell you.” Jeno pried Jaemin’s fingers one-by-one from the piece of paper. “It says here that you have two unexcused absences, five tardies, and two dress-code violations.”

“That’s bullshit. I’ve literally never done anything wrong in my life, ever,” Jaemin gave Jeno his most adorable pout.

“You’re breaking a rule right now, dummy,” Jeno said. He leaned forward, and to Jaemin’s surprise, reached out to the collar of Jaemin’s shirt to fix his buttons and loosened tie. The student handbook only allowed them to leave one button undone, but Jaemin sometimes liked to keep three open. It wasn’t his fault that he had pretty collarbones that the whole world deserved to see. Jaemin considered voicing his reasoning to Jeno, but then had a better idea instead.

“Really, Jeno?” Jaemin turned his voice sultry. “Right here, in the middle of the library? I mean, I’m not complaining, but I would’ve expected something different from a prefect.”

Jeno tightened Jaemin’s tie with an irritated tug and fixed Jaemin with a glare. Jaemin was pleased to see that Jeno’s cheeks had gone pink.

“Literally shut up, Jaemin.”

“Ugh. Do I really have to go?” Jaemin whined.

“Yes, you  _ really  _ have to go. Wednesday night. Plus, this is a special detention. You guys are going to be cleaning things,” Jeno said this in a way that indicated that this was a rare opportunity and Jaemin should be thrilled. 

“I resent that,” Jaemin said loftily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I resent  _ you _ ,” Jeno hissed back.

Jaemin glared at Jeno and his dumb, cute glasses. “You’re so much more fun when you’re not being all prefecty _. _ ”

“Hey!” Jeno squawked, offended. “What does that mean?” Jaemin just giggled, and Jeno seized him by the lapel of his jacket. “Na Jaemin, what does that mean?”

Jaemin was saved from answering by Donghyuck, approaching the table with two coffees in his hands and a wary look on his face.

“What am I walking into?” he asked, looking between Jaemin and Jeno and then pointedly at the hand Jeno still had on Jaemin. Jeno cleared his throat, cheeks burning an even brighter red, and removed his hand, smoothing down the fabric.

“Nothing at all,” Jeno said. Jaemin nodded his head in agreement. Donghyuck looked as if he didn’t believe it.

“I was just coming to study with Jaemin, but if I’m interrupting something I can—”

“No, no, that’s alright,” Jeno said, hurriedly standing up from the table. “I was just leaving. Prefect duties, you know.”  _ The way Jeno rambles when he’s nervous is cute,  _ Jaemin’s conscience supplied, once again, helpfully. He was going to have to have a very firm talk with himself later.

“Alright, then.” Donghyuck sat down at the table and handed Jaemin his coffee.

“See you later, Jaemin,” Jeno said, before walking off back in the direction of the office.

“See you,” Jaemin replied faintly, following Jeno with his eyes the whole way out of the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	6. So Many Nights My Tears Fell Harder Than Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin attends detention
> 
> tw// derogatory language, insecurity

On Wednesday evening, Jaemin made his way to the entrance hall where they were supposed to be meeting for detention. About ten other kids were there, along with a teacher and Jeno, who must’ve been tasked with overseeing this detention. Jeno waved at Jaemin when he saw him enter and Jaemin glared back, making it clear that he was not excited to be here. Jeno laughed, and oh, there went Jaemin’s heart again. 

He paid attention as the teacher gave them tasks to do. He was supposed to mop the south corridors.  _ Seriously?  _ Jaemin thought.  _ Don’t they have janitors for this?  _ Apparently, it was a part of a program that their school was starting to make detention a more productive and effective form of discipline. He collected his supplies, went to his assigned spot, and got to work. 

It took nearly two hours, but Jaemin was finally finished. He took a moment to look down the corridor, admiring the spotless, gleaming floor.

“Jaemin.” 

Jaemin’s heartbeat thumped in his chest as he was startled out of his thoughts. He spun around to face the person who had snuck up on him and scowled.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I had detention today, too,” Changmin drawled, ignoring Jaemin’s question. The dark-haired boy was leaning against the wall, a smirk plastered on his face. His eyes roamed up and down Jaemin’s body, and Jaemin felt his skin prickle. The things that he had once found attractive about Changmin were now repulsive. “No wonder, with all those times you made me late to class. Do you remember that one morning, Jaemin? I know you do.”

Jaemin’s face burned. “Changmin, stop—”

“Anyways, wasn’t this punishment just ridiculous?” Changmin started forward towards Jaemin, cutting him off. Jaemin gripped the handle of the mop tighter as Changmin neared him. The boy was so much taller than him, and he was intimidating, Jaemin had to admit, with his broad shoulders and muscular arms. “I mean, who the hell does Jeno think he is? He becomes prefect and thinks he can tell everyone what to do.”

Changmin laughed at his own joke but all Jaemin could do was give a quick nod. He looked down at his shoes, a wave of discomfort washing over him. The school was so deserted at this time and he really just wanted to call Donghyuck and get out of here. Away from Changmin.

“Although,” Jaemin looked up at the edge that had crept into Changmin’s tone. “ _ You _ seem to have a thing for him, don’t you, babe? Can’t imagine why.” Changmin was grinning now, an ugly, bitter thing. Jaemin recoiled, tried to turn away, but Changmin caught him with a rough hand on his neck. Jaemin dropped the mop in shock and it hit the floor with a noise that echoed down the hallway. Changmin’s fingers dug uncomfortably into the delicate skin of his throat as he tilted his face up. Jaemin desperately wanted to pull away, but forced himself to stay still and expressionless as he gazed up at Changmin. “Pretty thing like you. You deserve so much better than Jeno  _ fucking _ Lee.”

Changmin’s voice dropped to a growl, practically spitting out Jeno’s name. Jaemin closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the rage burn through him. He tried to control his temper, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Jealous?” Jaemin arched his eyebrows, tilting his head back to give Changmin his most unimpressed look. “Jealous you can’t fuck me anymore? Jealous because you’re not as good as him, and you’ll never be as good as him?” Jaemin watched as anger filled Changmin’s dark eyes. He could already feel the regret seeping in but he wasn’t finished yet. He brought his hand up to cover the one on his neck and leaned in closer to Changmin. “Please, do us all favor: take a hint and  _ move on _ .”

Changmin’s grip tightened on Jaemin’s throat for a frightening moment before he was releasing him with a shove. Jaemin stumbled away several paces until his back was against the wall. He watched with wide eyes as Changmin’s rage spilled over, terrifyingly directed at him. It felt good to say those words to his face but now Jaemin was scared of what Changmin would do.

“You fucking  _ bitch _ ,” he seethed, hands tightening into fists at his sides. Jaemin flinched as Changmin suddenly kicked at the bucket of water. It tipped over with a bang, flooding the hallway with soapy water. Jaemin swallowed hard and tried to bite back his tears.

“You fucked my roommate. You’ve fucked half the soccer team, actually, and you just can’t stop there,” Changmin gave a bitter, maniacal laugh. He cornered Jaemin against the wall, caging him in with his arms. Each of his words was more biting than the last and Jaemin shivered. “Well tough luck, Jaemin. You’re dumber than I thought if you really believe that a stuck-up prefect like Jeno would ever have feelings for a nasty whore like you.”

“Shut up!” Jaemin shrieked, pushing Changmin with all of his strength. Changmin stumbled away from him a couple steps, looking stunned. Jaemin started backing away from him—his mind was screaming at him to run but he couldn’t make himself do it, shaking too hard and tears filling his eyes. “That’s not true,” he whispered, arms wrapping around himself for some sort of comfort. “That’s not true.”

Changmin's eyes focused on something behind Jaemin, and then he was reaching out toward Jaemin, looking apologetic. “Jaemin, I’m sorry—”

Jaemin saw the hand nearing him and freaked out. “Get away from me!” he screamed, voice raw to his own ears. He tried to run but his shoes slipped on the wet floor and for a single, terrifying moment he was falling, the world tilting before his eyes. He held his breath, waiting for the painful impact.

It never came. Someone had caught him, strong arms wrapping around his midsection and placing him back on his feet. Jaemin took a deep, shuddering breath, hands reaching out to grasp at the arms that held him. He opened his eyes, wiping at the tears that had run down his face and turned to face whoever had caught him.

He immediately paled. “Jeno.” Jaemin had seen Jeno upset, expressionless, and frustrated—but he’d never seen anything like this. Jeno looked absolutely enraged. He started toward Changmin and Jaemin panicked, catching at Jeno’s wrist.

“Don’t—”

“I heard everything,” Jeno interrupted, his voice low as he smoothed his hands over Jaemin’s shoulders and down his arms, straightening out his rumpled uniform.

Jaemin’s throat went dry.  _ Everything? _

“Just don’t hit him, okay?” Jaemin pleaded. He really couldn’t stand to see a fight, feeling like he might collapse just standing there. Jeno’s expression clouded over but he nodded, turning to face Changmin and nudging Jaemin behind him.

“Get out of here,” Jeno crossed his arms over his chest, voice low and commanding. Changmin scoffed incredulously. “The headmaster will deal with you tomorrow. And really, Changmin, I’d advise you not to make this any worse on yourself. I witnessed you breaking multiple school rules, who knows what the security cameras will reveal.”

At that, Changmin blanched. He spat out a venomous  _ fuck you _ before turning and walking back the way he came.

“Jaemin,” Jeno breathed out. His big, dark eyes were full of such care as he looked at Jaemin that Jaemin almost couldn’t stand it. Jeno stepped closer, thumbing carefully at the red marks left behind on Jaemin’s neck in the shape of Changmin’s fingers. Jaemin felt his face heat up at Jeno’s proximity. 

“Stop,” Jaemin put a hand out to push Jeno away, squeezing his eyes shut. He really couldn’t handle Jeno’s pity right now. His shoulders were still trembling, throat closing up around an unreleased sob. He furiously wiped away his tears, but it was futile as even more spilled down in their place. “J-Just leave me alone, p-please.”

Jaemin covered his face with his hands as he cried, expecting to hear the sound of footsteps retreating down the hallway. Instead, he felt arms wrap around his body, pulling him into the warm comfort of Jeno’s chest. Jaemin froze for a moment, before he felt a soothing hand run up and down his back. At that he let himself collapse, winding his arms around Jeno’s shoulders and leaning on the boy for support. He buried his face into Jeno’s neck, tears soaking the collar of his uniform. Jeno stayed still, rubbing Jaemin’s back. After a minute, Jaemin managed to pull himself together. He took a step away from the boy, wincing as he realized how horrible he must look. He pushed his hair up off his forehead and out of his eyes, trying to regain a bit of his usual poise.

“Thank you,” Jaemin said quietly. He tugged at the collar of his uniform—it was suddenly hot in the hallway. Jeno was looking at him with an unreadable expression, though his cheeks were flushed. 

“You’re welcome,” Jeno replied, voice gentle. “Can I walk you to your room?”

“But my beautiful floor,” Jaemin whined as he realized that Changmin had ruined his hard work. 

Jeno chuckled at the indignant pout on Jaemin’s lips. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Come on.”

Jaemin didn't have the energy to argue. He tried not to notice how easy it was for Jeno to fall into step beside him, how Jeno seemed to know exactly where his room was. Jaemin pulled out his phone as they walked. He had a couple of texts from Hyuck, demanding to know where he was, and one from Yangyang asking for answers on the physics homework. He sniffed a quiet laugh at Yangyang’s excessive use of emojis. Jeno glanced curiously in his direction but didn’t say anything, and Jaemin appreciated the quiet. He felt exhausted, and while he wanted to make conversation with Jeno, the lump in his throat made him skeptical that he wouldn’t spontaneously burst into tears.

Soon, they were outside Jaemin’s door. Jaemin reached for his keys in the side pocket of his backpack, purposefully ignoring the way Jeno had nervously stuffed his hands in his pockets, standing to the side of the door and looking awfully like he wanted to say something. He was just about to insert the key when Jeno’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. Jaemin sighed and narrowed his eyes at the prefect.

“Spit it out, Jeno.”

“I-” Jeno’s eyes widened as he struggled to find the words. “I’m worried, Jaemin. Are you okay?”

“I’m great, actually. Can’t you tell?” Jaemin said sarcastically, though he realized that the hurt was bleeding through his voice anyway, raw emotions showing through the cracks in Jaemin’s carefully cultivated mask. He twisted the key in the lock, only to be stopped by a hand over his hand on the doorknob.

“Wait!” Jeno protested. He dropped his hand from the doorknob and Jaemin turned to face him when he heard the genuine note of panic in Jeno’s voice. “What Changmin said about you, Jaemin, it’s not true. He’s—” Jeno laughed bitterly. “He’s a fucking asshole for saying that to you.” The curses that Jaemin had become desensitized to sounded powerful again when they were coming from Jeno’s lips. “I hope you don’t believe that about yourself, because you’re so much more.” Jeno spoke so earnestly that Jaemin felt tears gathering in his eyes again. “And what he said, at the end, about you and me.” Jeno swallowed hard, looking at Jaemin from beneath his dark fan of lashes. Jaemin felt his heartbeat skip. It was as if the world around them disappeared as he waited anxiously for what Jeno was going to say. “That—that I would never have feelings for you. It wasn’t true.” 

Jeno’s voice was barely above a whisper as he said the words that Jaemin had only ever dreamed of hearing. Jaemin felt dizzy with so many emotions happening all at once. He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath, a tear running down his face. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“N-no, Changmin’s right,” Jaemin whispered, his voice cracking. “You—you shouldn’t like someone like me, Jeno. You’re too good for me.” Oh, and now Jaemin was really crying, tears spilling hot and wet down his face. His breaths were coming too short, vision blurring. He was overwhelmed.

“No.” Jeno shook his head, stepping closer to Jaemin. He could see the pain in Jeno’s eyes as Jeno brushed his knuckles against Jaemin’s cheek, reverent. “It doesn’t matter what Changmin said, or what anyone else says. It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve hooked up with. You’re absolutely worthy of love, Jaemin. You deserve everything, more than I could ever give you. Please believe me.” Jaemin closed his eyes and held onto the hand that was cupping his face, letting the words wash over him. Jaemin’s heart ached when he opened his eyes to see tears brimming in Jeno’s eyes.

“Don’t cry,” Jaemin said, cupping Jeno’s cheeks. “I—I know. I know I deserve to be—to be loved,” Jaemin sniffed. “It’s just difficult to believe sometimes.”

Jeno brushed away Jaemin’s tears. Jaemin felt so afraid. He didn’t want to break Jeno’s heart, and he didn’t want his own heart to get broken, again, but it seemed like right now he was doing both. Jaemin had never felt so helpless. They were so close, and Jeno was staring at his lips, but Jaemin couldn’t make himself move. He thought that Jeno was going to be the one to close the gap between them. He wished for it. But then Jeno was taking a step back, his hand falling from Jaemin’s cheek. 

“Okay,” Jeno said, taking a steadying breath. “I’ll see you, Jaemin.” He averted his eyes shyly, and then he was walking away.

Jaemin wanted to chase after him, say “I like you too, _ ”  _ but he felt so weak and tired. He leaned back against the wall instead and closed his eyes. The pounding of his heart was making him dizzy, emotions choking him. 

Jaemin tried to collect himself as best he could, and then entered the room. He hung up his backpack, threw his jacket on the floor, and toed off his shoes before entering the main part of the room, determined to flop face-first on his bed. 

“Where have you been?” Donghyuck, sitting cross-legged on Jaemin’s bed, demanded. Jaemin squeaked in surprise before blinking at his roommate for a few moments. Donghyuck was still in his uniform, although his tie and jacket were gone and the buttons of his shirt were done up wrong. His auburn hair was tousled, lips bitten.

“Please don’t tell me you had sex with Mark on my bed, too,” Jaemin grumbled sourly. He loosened his tie with a few impatient tugs and tossed it at his closet. He turned away from Donghyuck, partly to change out of his pants and shirt and partly to avoid Donghyuck seeing how red and teary his eyes were.

“No!” Donghyuck exclaimed. “Of course not. Now answer me!” Jaemin just managed to get his joggers on before Donghyuck was spinning him around with hands on his shoulders. Donghyuck let out a low whistle. “Either you’re smoking again or someone made you cry. Either way I’m pissed.”

Jaemin shouldered Donghyuck out of the way and threw himself down on his bed.

“I never  _ smoked _ ,” Jaemin said sulkily, voice muffled as he spoke half-into his comforter. Donghyuck huffed a disbelieving laugh.

“You’re avoiding the question,” Donghyuck sat on the edge of Jaemin’s bed and stroked his hand through Jaemin’s hair. Jaemin closed his eyes at the pleasant sensation. “What happened, Nana?”

Jaemin scrunched his nose at the old nickname, rolling over onto his back to face Donghyuck. “Ick. Don’t call me that.”

“I’ll call you what I want, Nana. Minnie. Bunny,” Jaemin reached for a pillow to chuck at Donghyuck’s head and Donghyuck stopped, raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. But seriously, Jaemin. What happened?”

“I was mopping the floor for detention. Ran into Changmin,” Jaemin tried to keep his voice as flat and emotionless as possible, but he could already feel the lump growing in his throat. “He said some mean things.”

“I’m sorry, Jaemin,” Donghyuck said sincerely. His tone was calm despite the anger that Jaemin knew was probably building up inside of him. Jaemin appreciated it. He didn’t need any more anger tonight. 

“It’s okay,” Jaemin sighed. “It’s just Changmin.”

“You’re right,” Donghyuck let out a deep sigh. “Sorry, Jaemin, but I’m going to fight him one day.”

Jaemin laughed, imagining it. Broad, muscular Changmin versus slender, willowy Donghyuck. 

“As long as you win.”

“Wait!” Donghyuck said, brightening up. “Where does Jeno come into all of this?” Donghyuck asked. Jaemin felt his cheeks grow hot again at the memory of Jeno’s arms locked around his waist, Jeno’s comforting hands, his kind words. His lips, inches away.

“He…” Jaemin tried to think of the best way to phrase it. “He heard us arguing and interrupted. He sent Changmin away and brought me back to the room. And… and then he confessed.”

Donghyuck squealed obnoxiously and Jaemin giggled, slapping his friend’s arm.

“Wait, then why don’t you look happy? Isn’t it good that he confessed?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin sighed. “I’m just… scared, I guess. I don’t want to get hurt, and I also don’t want to burden him.”

“Oh, Nana,” Donghyuck’s eyes softened and he leaned down to hug Jaemin’s shoulders. “You’ll never be a burden. Not to Jeno, and not to me, either. Not to anyone.”

“Thanks, Hyuck,” Jaemin whispered. Suddenly he cringed, groaning. “Ugh, Donghyuck, it was so embarrassing. I must’ve been all teary and snotty and ugly.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Jeno still thought you looked pretty. At least your eyelashes look longer and darker when you cry.”

Jaemin grinned, and began to drift to sleep with the warm weight of Donghyuck’s arms on his shoulders. 

“Wait, Donghyuck?” Jaemin remembered something the instant after Donghyuck had turned the lights off in their dorm room and settled into his own bed. “Can you send Yangyang pictures of my physics homework? I owe him.”

Donghyuck groaned before dragging himself out of his bed.

“Anything for you, Nana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	7. I Never Thought I'd Hear My Heart Beat So Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kiss kiss fall in love (◕‿◕)♡

Realization hit Jaemin like a ton of bricks when he was sitting in physics the next day, staring at the side of Jeno’s face. Like usual, Jeno was taking notes, but he seemed to be less put-together than normal. There were dark circles beneath his eyes and his foot was shaking restlessly.  _ There was no way this could be real _ , Jaemin thought. He picked up his phone to text Jeno.

**You**

you really like me??

Jaemin sent the text before he could think twice. He felt a twinge of regret as he watched Jeno pick up his phone and read the text, his jaw tightening. Jeno glanced back at Jaemin and they made eye contact before Jeno turned back around, the curve of his back tense. 

**Jeno**

yes, of course

**You**

ok…

Jaemin bit his lip, contemplating whether or not he should ask what he really wanted to know. In the end, he decided  _ fuck it,  _ he’s already embarrassed himself enough. 

**You**

then why didn’t you kiss me

Jaemin giggled as he watched Jeno read the text, his knee jerking up and colliding with the table in shock.

**Jeno**

uhh

you were crying??

**You**

so were you

**Jeno**

...anyway

you don’t believe me?

**You**

no, i do

sorry

get food with me after classes

please

**Jeno**

sure

after my soccer practice?

**You**

yeah

Jaemin let out a tiny, surprised noise when Jeno looked back over his shoulder, finding Jaemin with his eyes, and smiled. His eyes crinkled, so sweetly. Jaemin smiled back, so wide and joyous, a warm feeling expanding in his chest that he couldn’t place. He just felt lighter, somehow.

♡♡♡

Jeno and Jaemin got their food and sat a table far from the others in the dining hall. Jaemin took a moment to drink in the picture of Jeno before him, relaxed and smiling. He was obviously starving, more focused on his food than Jaemin, but Jaemin didn’t mind because it meant that he could stare at Jeno without being noticed. Jeno was dressed in joggers and a loose t-shirt, and Jaemin drank in the rare sight of Jeno’s arms, his pale inner forearms and muscled biceps disappearing beneath the sleeves. Jaemin gulped.

“You good, Jaem?” Jeno asked, a smirk just beneath the surface of his question. Maybe he had been noticed, after all. Jaemin’s heart leaped at the way the nickname rolled off Jeno’s tongue. He tore his gaze away from Jeno’s arms with some difficulty and fixed him with a sharp smile.

“Mhm,” he hummed, taking a bite of his own food. 

They talked about classes, and sports, and Jaemin remembered that Jeno has a game tomorrow.

“Are you coming?” Jeno asked.

“Do you want me too?” Jaemin leaned forward, biting his lip.

“Yeah,” Jeno breathed. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll be there,” Jaemin said, sitting back with a pleased smile. 

“So when is our next tutoring lesson?” Jeno asked, twirling his noodles around his chopsticks.

“Preferably never,” Jaemin answered quickly, enjoying the way Jeno snorted.

“But don’t you want to see me?” Jeno pouted.

“Can’t I do that now without the excuse of calculus?” Jaemin teased, and Jeno blushed, nodding. “Jeno?”

“Yes?”

“Can you apologize to Renjun for me?” Jeno looked up from his noodles, confusion apparent on his face.

“For what?”

“I think he hates me,” Jaemin sighed, and Jeno chuckled.

“He doesn’t hate you. He just wishes he never had to see… that.” Jaemin groaned in embarrassment, dropping his head into his folded arms. Unexpectedly, Jaemin felt Jeno’s fingers carding through his hair. “Come on, Jaemin,” Jeno urged, his voice soft. “Eat your food.”

Jaemin looked up and realized that Jeno was done with his meal. He hurried to finish, blushing under Jeno’s warm smile, but he felt an acute loss when he realized that now that they were both done, there was no reason to stick around any longer.

“Jeno, do you maybe wanna come back to my room?” Jaemin asked nervously. “We can watch Netflix or do homework or whatever—”

“Yeah, sure,” Jeno agreed easily. Jaemin smiled and texted Donghyuck.

**You**

are you in the room right now

**Donghyuck☀️**

no im at mark’s 

why

**You**

ok don’t come back until i tell you to please

**Donghyuck☀️**

wtf

Jaemin invited Jeno in and they settled on his bed. Jaemin opened his laptop and pulled up a show, and Jeno half-watched and half-worked on his math homework, monstrosities of questions that appeared impossible to Jaemin but Jeno worked through quickly. He wanted so badly to hold Jeno’s hand, but both of them were currently occupied, so he settled with laying his head on Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno stiffened up at first, but then relaxed, and he was the perfect pillow. Jaemin eventually felt himself growing tired. He breathed in the fruity scent of Jeno’s shampoo and listened to the quiet scratch of pencil on paper, the sound of his show fading into the background as he closed his eyes.

“Hey.” An amount of time unknown to Jaemin passed before he felt something touch his forehead. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Jaemin lifted his head with a disgruntled noise and realized that Jeno was poking him with the eraser end of his pencil. 

“Stop,” he sighed, picking up his head reluctantly. Jeno was  _ really  _ comfortable. “I’m awake.”

Inhibitions loosened from sleep, Jaemin felt warmth curl in the pit of his stomach as he looked at Jeno. It was more than his usual desire, and he realized that now, as his heart felt like it was expanding in his chest and his breath quickened. Jeno stared back at Jaemin, his eyes large and darting to Jaemin’s lips every so often. Jaemin reached out his hand to brush his thumb over Jeno’s cheek. Jeno’s eyelashes fluttered at the touch, so beautiful.

“Jeno.” He darted his tongue out over his bottom lip and Jeno’s eyes followed the motion, entranced. “Can I kiss you?”

Jeno nodded, and his eyes fluttered shut as Jaemin leaned in. He brushed their lips together gently, listening to the way that Jeno’s breath hitched. He moved his lips slowly, and Jeno copied the action, soft lips melding with his. Jeno didn’t seem very confident, or like he was going to be the one to take the lead, and Jaemin realized that he could be the one to control the kiss. The thought caused the warmth in his stomach to expand, a shiver running down his spine. 

He cradled Jeno’s face with his hands, fingertips tracing the defined ridges of his chin and jaw, and introduced the tiniest bit of tongue. Jeno gasped at the new sensation, causing Jaemin to smile. As Jeno seemed to become more comfortable, Jaemin kissed him firmly, slotting their lips together and accidentally knocking Jeno’s glasses out of place. Jaemin wondered if Jeno had ever been kissed like this before, and realized that he didn’t like the thought of Jeno with someone else very much. A new sort of protectiveness awoke inside of him, entangling with the growing ball of warmth. He hooked his leg over Jeno’s and sat up more, straddling his leg and pressing him into the wall of pillows they had constructed earlier. Jeno’s notebook toppled to the floor, pencil skittering after it. Jaemin moaned softly as Jeno’s hand found its way into his hair, the other resting lightly on Jaemin’s hip. Jaemin’s hands fell from Jeno’s face to his chest. Jeno felt warm and solid beneath him and Jaemin heard his heartbeat loud in his ears. He needed  _ more.  _ He moved his hands down Jeno’s torso to his flat stomach, feeling the outline of abs beneath his fingertips. Jaemin had never seen Jeno shirtless before, so this was a lovely surprise.

Jeno broke the kiss, panting against Jaemin’s lips. His eyes were wide, pupils blown as he looked at Jaemin. Jaemin bit his lip, pleased to hear Jeno’s sharp inhale when his hands snuck under the hem of his shirt and made their way up, mapping out the warm, soft skin of Jeno’s torso. Jeno’s cheeks were flushed, ears pink, and lips slick, and Jaemin wanted him so, so badly. 

Suddenly Jeno was sitting up, grabbing Jaemin’s hands and removing them from his body. Jaemin became unbalanced and he fell to the side, landing awkwardly on his bed. He stared open-mouthed as Jeno got up, purposefully putting distance between him and Jaemin. His stomach sank like a boulder plummeting from the edge of a cliff as he saw anger flash bright in Jeno’s eyes, followed closely by hurt.

“I confessed my feelings to you and this is what you do?” Jeno scoffed, and then he was swiftly gathering his belongings. Jaemin was so shocked he couldn’t even move.

“Jeno, what do you mean?”

Jeno whirled around. He looked furious, his mouth pressed into a hard line, but Jaemin could see the pain lingering just below the anger.

“I-I’m not going to be just one of your friends with benefits!” Jeno exclaimed, and then he lowered his voice. “If that’s all you want from this then you should have just told me sooner, Jaemin.”

Jeno was gone before Jaemin could think of what to say. He collapsed back onto his bed, counting down from 100 to fight off his impending anxiety attack. Tears gathered in his eyes and rolled down his temples. He didn’t understand what just happened. It had been so good, hadn’t it? Or maybe Jeno had never been comfortable with the situation in the first place. Jaemin felt his stomach roll at the possibility. But no, Jeno had kissed him back, had threaded his fingers through Jaemin’s hair, had smiled against Jaemin’s lips when his glasses were pushed to the side. There was something else that Jaemin was missing. He just needed to figure it out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	8. I Can't Believe I'm Not Afraid Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaemin rights his wrongs

Jaemin fell asleep before Donghyuck returned, so he escaped being questioned. He was grateful for this because frankly, he was tired of crying. Unfortunately, he slept through his alarm and fell asleep again after Donghyuck woke him up before he’d had to leave early for his choir practice. So there Jaemin was again, running late to orchestra. His hair was damp, uniform done up carelessly, and he just felt scattered and not at all ready to deal with school when the only thing on his mind was Jeno.

He slowed before he entered. The only sound from the room was the music of a lone violin, beautiful yet somber, as its musician played a melody familiar to Jaemin. He realized, panicking, why it sounded so familiar yet odd. It was because Jaemin, the second half of the duet, wasn’t there to play.

He entered the room, feeling dread seep in. He made his way to the piano, watching as his teacher narrowed her eyes at him and raised a hand.

“Jeno,” she said, and the music cut off mid-note. Jaemin watched to see if Jeno would look at him, but he didn’t.

“Jaemin Na,” his teacher spoke grimly. Jaemin’s skin prickled as he felt every student’s eyes turning to him. “Late once again. You don’t happen to have a note for me, do you?”

“No, ma’am,” Jaemin said, his skin heating up with embarrassment. His teacher shook her head in disappointment, marking something down in her binder.

“Very well. With our concert approaching, I expect  _ everyone  _ to be punctual. Let’s take it from the beginning of the duet.” Jaemin scrambled for his sheet music. “Jeno, excellent work, but please, Jaemin, prove to me why you deserve this duet more than any other pianist.” Jaemin knew that was an empty threat, but he just nodded. He waited for her cue and then began playing. 

Jaemin had played piano for as long as he could remember, and he’d been told by every instructor he’d ever had that he had a natural skill for it. This duet wasn’t challenging skill-wise—Jaemin could play it alone easily—but it was challenging for Jaemin to blend his sound with Jeno’s. That is what Jaemin focused on doing—he shut his eyes, blocked out the attention of the others in the room, and allowed the notes to flow from memory, just listening to their sound. When it was time for Jeno’s part, Jaemin let his fingers find the chords by themselves. He watched Jeno instead, the way his bow danced across the violin strings with practiced elegance. He looked pretty when he played, hair falling over his forehead as he kept his eyes trained carefully on his sheet music.

The only part that Jaemin really had to try during was his solo. As it approached, he locked his eyes on his music and concentrated. His heart was pounding in his chest but his fingers knew instinctively what to do after so much time practicing. People would often compliment his hands—they were slender, fingers long and gracefully tapered. Now they flitted over the keys, finding the correct ones with ease. He smiled as he made it successfully through his solo and the duet concluded.

Jaemin picked up his head and made eye contact with Jeno. It was just a millisecond and then the boy was looking away, chewing on his bottom lip.  _ Lips you’ve kissed, _ Jaemin’s brain reminded him, and his heartbeat sped up at the memory. The image of Jeno’s face, his eyes filled with so much hurt, flashed in Jaemin’s mind and he knew that he would do anything he could to get Jeno’s forgiveness.

♡♡♡

Jaemin spent the rest of the day tortured, Jeno’s words running unwelcome through his head. He was in a crappy mood and he knew that his friends noticed, but he didn’t really care. Fortunately, by the end of the day, he thought he knew what he needed to do. It was something that he should’ve already done.

The only problem was that Jeno was nowhere to be found. They didn’t share any more classes that day and Jeno disappeared after school. He didn’t respond to Jaemin’s texts, either, but Jaemin knew the one place that he would be able to find him for sure. It was agonizing to wait, but Jaemin stuck it out in the library, mostly hiding from Donghyuck and his questions but also being productive. 

When it was eight o’clock, Jaemin went to his dorm to get changed. He wore the same parka, unzipped over his school hoodie, and the same hat as he’d worn to the last soccer game. He made his way out to the field and as he’d expected, the players had already cleared off the field and fans were leaving the stadium in a large group. Jaemin had to push his way through, his mumbled “sorrys” lost in the chatter. He made his way to the locker room, where he definitely wasn’t supposed to be, and pushed the door open. The smell of sweaty socks and shin guards was a slap in the face, but he persevered. The players were all getting ready to shower and chatting with each other, spread out among the rows of lockers. Soobin was the first to notice Jaemin standing there, looking around for Jeno. He was shirtless and when he saw Jaemin he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against a locker.

“Here to give me my victory prize?” he asked, looking Jaemin up and down with a smirk.

“Fuck no,” Jaemin scoffed. He knew that Soobin was being annoying on purpose, saying things like that because he knew that it would rile Jaemin up, but he really couldn’t deal with it right now. His hands were nearly shaking, he was so nervous. He just needed to see Jeno. He walked closer to Soobin, to the point where he had to tilt his head to look in his eyes. “Where’s Jeno?” 

Soobin laughed, raising his eyebrows. “Jeno? Damn, I really didn’t think Jeno would be the type to—”

“Where’s Jeno?” Jaemin asked again. Maybe it was his expression, maybe it was the weight behind his words, but Soobin’s grin fell from his face.

“Umm… his locker is back a couple more rows.”

Jaemin immediately started walking, peering down each row of lockers to try to spot the black-haired boy that he wanted. Finally, when he made it to the fourth row, he spotted Jeno. The boy had a grin on his face as he listened to what Mark was telling him. He was shirtless, dressed only in his soccer shorts and some slides. He had a towel slung around his neck and his hair was all messy. Jaemin’s stomach was doing flips but he walked forward, catching Jeno’s attention. 

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” Jeno looked shocked, his smile falling from his face. Mark caught onto the tension quickly and went to the showers, leaving the two alone. Jeno’s surprise wore off quickly and then he just looked angry. “Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” Jeno tried to walk past Jaemin and follow Mark, but Jaemin blocked his way. Jeno huffed in frustration.

“Please just let me talk to you. Let me explain,” Jaemin pleaded. Jeno went through several emotions in a few seconds before finally sighing.

“Fine. But not here,” Jeno said. He took Jaemin through a door that led them outside, behind the stadium. The sky was pitch black, the late October air freezing. The space was lit by a single lamp that casted a shadow over the planes of Jeno’s face and illuminated his exposed skin in a warm glow. Jaemin glanced at Jeno worriedly. Wouldn’t he be freezing? Jeno seemed to read his thoughts. “It’s okay, I’m still warm from the game. Now what do you need to tell me?”

Jaemin took a deep breath. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but it was so difficult to get the words out now that Jeno was really standing in front of him. 

“First I want to say that I’m sorry,” Jaemin said. He looked up into Jeno’s eyes and watched his reactions, emotions obvious as always. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that before I clarified my own feelings. I didn’t mean to, but I made you think that I only want to be friends with benefits. But Jeno.” Jaemin took a tiny step forward, hands clenching in his pockets as he resisted the urge to touch Jeno. “I want so much more. You’re so special to me, and I like you so much, and I should’ve told you earlier but I didn’t because I was so afraid—”

Jaemin was suddenly cut off, swept up in Jeno’s arms as he kissed him. Jeno’s hands grasped Jaemin's hips over the fabric of his hoodie, pulling his body flush against Jeno’s. Jaemin let out a shocked gasp against Jeno’s lips. One of Jaemin’s arms went up to wrap around Jeno’s neck. The other hand he placed on Jeno’s chest, heart beating strong and fast beneath Jaemin’s palm. Jaemin felt happiness bloom in his chest, so powerful he thought he might topple over. Jeno held him steady.

“Fuck, Jaemin,” Jeno broke the kiss, breathing hard. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just walked out like that last night. That was stupid of me,” Jeno said. And then, he was biting his lip, hands tightening on Jaemin’s waist. “You really like me?”

Jeno was looking at Jaemin with nothing short of amazement in his eyes, but Jaemin knew by the tension in his shoulders and jaw that he was still harboring some doubt. Jaemin would do anything he could to get rid of those doubts and have Jeno’s trust.

“I really do, Jeno. I really, really do,” Jaemin said, and he had never felt more sure of anything in his entire life. He cupped Jeno’s cheek and leaned up to kiss him, just a brief, sweet press of their lips. When they separated Jeno was smiling his most beautiful smile, where his eyes sparkled, and Jaemin got butterflies in his stomach just from looking at it. “Sorry,” Jaemin whispered. “I just felt like doing that.”

Jeno laughed. He was still holding Jaemin, and Jaemin felt relief, cool and sweet, trickle through his veins. Jeno hadn’t pushed him away. Jaemin smiled so wide he thought it might crack his face in two. 

“Don’t say sorry,” Jeno scolded, and Jaemin just grinned up at him. He was  _ so  _ happy.

All of a sudden, Jaemin felt something cold and wet touch the tip of his nose. Jeno’s thumb brushed it away, and then he was staring up at the sky in wonder. “It’s snowing.”

Jaemin turned to look, and Jeno pulled him against his side with an arm around his waist. Jaemin went easily, resting his head on Jeno’s shoulder as he observed the sky. It was the first snow of the year, large white flakes that fell through the windless night in weaving, aimless paths before they hit the ground and melted away. Jaemin breathed in the clean, cool air, the peace of it all settling something that had been restless inside of him.

“It’s so pretty,” Jaemin sighed, turning his face to press against Jeno’s shoulder. He didn’t even care that Jeno was sweaty.

“ _ You’re  _ so pretty,” Jeno responded cheekily. He chuckled when Jaemin looked up at him with a frown, pretending to be disappointed at Jeno’s cheesiness.

Jeno wiped the frown off his lips with a kiss. Jaemin was disappointed when Jeno pulled away too soon, tilting his head up to watch the snowflakes tumble through the air. Jaemin put his head back down on Jeno’s shoulder, flustered.

“You can’t just  _ do  _ that,” he complained.

“Can’t I?” Jeno said, pressing a kiss to Jaemin’s hair.

And, well. Jaemin supposed that he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed!


	9. You Got Me In Love Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the moment you've all been waiting for~
> 
> tw// drinking, self-indulgent lovey-dovey smut

After the bell finally rang, signaling the end of school and the beginning of winter break, Jaemin started searching the school for his boyfriend. He was getting picked up in the morning and he still needed to pack, but more importantly, he needed to find Jeno and say goodbye. He wandered through the halls, which were bustling with students, parents, and luggage before he decided to search the library. He eventually found Jeno hunched over a table in the library, working on something with his head bedded on his palm, eyebrows furrowed. He quietly made his way over and leaned down, wrapping his arms around Jeno and resting his chin on his shoulder. Jeno tensed up at the unexpected presence before relaxing as soon as he realized who it was. He murmured a greeting, tilting his head and giving Jaemin a short kiss. He dropped his pencil and held onto Jaemin’s arms. Jaemin enjoyed the contact, closing his eyes momentarily and basking in the scent of Jeno’s laundry detergent and cologne.

“Hey, babe,” Jaemin whispered. He always enjoyed the indignant noise Jeno made at the pet name, the pink that colored his cheeks. “It’s winter break, why are you studying already?”

“Not much else to do,” Jeno replied. He sounded off, in a way that Jaemin could hear but couldn’t pinpoint.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin asked, taking a seat next to Jeno. “Don’t you have to get ready to go home?”

Jeno didn’t meet Jaemin’s eyes and Jaemin felt something sink in his stomach. Jeno rarely talked about his family. Jaemin wondered if he’d hit a sensitive spot accidentally. “I don’t go home until Christmas Eve. So no, I’ve got a couple of days.”

“Oh,” Jaemin didn’t know exactly what to say to that.  _ I’m sorry?  _ He was about to change the subject when Jeno looked back at him.

“I just don’t like spending time there. My family, they’re not…” Jeno trailed off. “They’re not like me, and they don’t like that I’m different. They’re not like anyone at this school, actually. I’m,” Jeno started, and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “I’m here on a scholarship.”

“Oh,” Jaemin breathed. Jeno looked away, his face going red. Jaemin realized that this must have been a closely kept secret, for Jeno not to tell him in the nearly two months that they’ve been dating. His heart swelled.  _ Jeno trusts me.  _ “If anyone deserves a scholarship, Jeno, it’s you.”

Jeno smiled. “Thanks, Jaem. I don’t tell a lot of people because I don’t want to get bullied for it.”

Jaemin sighed, leaning to lay his head on Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno’s arm went around his shoulder, a comfortable and familiar weight. “Yeah, some people would be dicks about that, wouldn’t they?”

“Yeah,” Jeno agreed. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Jaemin felt himself blush, smiling despite himself. “I’m going to miss you, too.” Jaemin sat up suddenly. “Jeno, you have to promise me that you’ll relax, okay? Please don’t spend your entire break studying. Actually, wait. Get up.”

“What?” Jeno looked bewildered at the change of pace. Jaemin closed his notebook, put his pencil away and zipped everything up into his backpack.

“C’mon, get up. You’re done studying. Come back to my room with me. You can help me pack.”

Jeno begrudgingly let Jaemin drag him out of the library by their clasped hands. 

“You just want my help packing,” he complained. Jaemin gave him a saccharine smile.

“No, I just want to spend time with you,” he cooed. Jeno made a face but continued walking with Jaemin, their fingers intertwined. When they first started dating, it had made Jaemin nervous to hold hands with Jeno in public and make it clear that they were in a relationship. He’d created a reputation for himself over the last year, which meant surprised glances in the halls, jabs at their relationship, and unwanted attention from guys. It wasn’t fun, but he’d eventually learned how to deal with it.

They entered the room to find Donghyuck’s stuff neatly packed and Donghyuck nowhere to be seen. Donghyuck was planning to leave in an hour, so Jaemin guessed that he was off somewhere with Mark. Jeno kicked off his shoes and flopped on Jaemin’s bed, making it clear that he wasn't going to help Jaemin pack. Jaemin just grinned, knowing that once Jeno saw the way that Jaemin shoved things haphazardly in his suitcase he wouldn’t be able to resist helping Jaemin do it the “right” way. 

Jeno averted his eyes when Jaemin changed out of his uniform and into comfortable clothes. The most skin Jeno has seen from Jaemin was during a make-out session that got a little heated, leading Jeno to nearly having Jaemin’s shirt off before he was pulling back, breathing hard, looking shocked at himself. Jeno didn’t want to have sex yet and Jaemin was okay with that. He loved getting to know Jeno, loved their dates and their cuddles and their kisses, loved falling for Jeno’s personality and not his body.

Jaemin and Jeno were almost finished packing when Jaemin had a sudden idea.

“Come home with me,” he said. Jeno looked up at him with widened eyes, lips taking the shape of an adorable little “o.”

“What?”

“Come to my house for winter break,” Jaemin said again and watched as Jeno stared at him, wide-eyed. “I’m serious, Jeno. It wouldn’t be weird. My brother and sister always have someone over. I mean my sister is married, but that’s beside the point. My brother has been inviting his boyfriend to our house since they were sixth years.”

“I mean, I want to, but isn’t it too soon?” Jeno worried at his lip with his teeth.

“I don’t think so. You don’t have to stay the whole time. We can sleep in different rooms, if you want to.”

“No!” Jeno exclaimed, blushing as Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “Okay. I’d like that,” he admitted, and Jaemin cheered excitedly. “But wait, I have to meet your parents—”

“My parents will  _ love  _ you,” Jaemin gushed. Jeno just raised his eyebrows skeptically.

♡♡♡

They got dinner together and then went to Jeno’s room to pack, before going back to Jaemin’s room. Somehow, Jaemin managed to convince Jeno to stay the night in his room.

“We’ll just watch some movies and then go to bed,” Jaemin said. “C’mon, Jeno, please?”

“Fine,” Jeno acquiesced, rolling his eyes as Jaemin hugged him in delight. “This is breaking so many rules, though.”

Jeno went to make popcorn while Jaemin set up his bed and laptop. When Jeno came back, Jaemin roped him into doing facemasks before they finally crawled into bed together and started a movie. Jaemin snuggled close to Jeno, wrapping an arm around his stomach and resting his head on Jeno’s shoulder. 

“Mmm,” he hummed, closing his eyes temporarily. “Have I ever told you how comfortable you are?”

Jeno snorted. “No, but I assumed I was based on how much time you spend using me as a pillow.”

“Hey,” Jaemin said indignantly, picking his head up off of Jeno’s shoulder. “Not  _ using. _ ”

Jeno turned to face Jaemin, eyes alight with humor. Jaemin dropped his pout when he noticed how close Jeno’s lips were. He leaned forward to kiss him, unable to resist. The feel of Jeno’s lips was familiar by now—soft, but always a bit chapped from his bad habit of biting at his lips. Jaemin was surprised when Jeno kissed back eagerly, bringing his hand up to tilt Jaemin’s face to the perfect angle. Jeno was usually more reserved, but recently he’d gotten bolder, initiating kisses and pressing Jaemin’s body flush to his, licking hotly into his mouth. Jaemin couldn’t complain, though it sure made it more difficult to hold himself back.

As usual, arousal lit in his stomach, a small, tempting flame. He extinguished it before it grew into a wildfire and swept him away, but it was hard to maintain with Jeno’s hands on his body. He let out a small whimper and broke the kiss when it was too difficult. 

“You good?” Jeno asked, dark eyes examining Jaemin’s cheeks, an obvious pink despite the dim lighting. Jaemin licked his lips and nodded. How did Jeno do this without combusting?

“Yeah,” he whispered, laying his head back down on Jeno’s shoulder and nosing against the skin there, the place where his cologne was the strongest. He adjusted his body so he wasn’t pressing his half-hard cock to Jeno’s thigh and tried to relax. “Let’s just watch the movie, babe.”

“Okay,” Jeno agreed, leaning back against the pillows once more. Jaemin tried to pay attention to the movie, but he felt himself gently being lulled to sleep by Jeno’s warmth, the constant, gentle thump of his heartbeat, and the steady rise and fall of his chest. When the movie was finished, Jaemin sat up, closing the laptop and setting it aside. As he had guessed, Jeno was fast asleep, his head tipped back against a pillow. Jaemin smiled at the adorable sight—Jeno’s lips were slightly parted, eyelashes dark against his rosy cheeks. 

“Jeno,” he whispered, shaking his shoulder gently. Jeno roused slowly, blinking at Jaemin in confusion. “Let’s lay down, yeah?”

Jeno just murmured a sleepy agreement and slid a little way down the bed, curling up on his side facing Jaemin. When Jaemin leaned over him to turn off the lamp, he felt a hand on his hip, urging him to lay down too. Jaemin laughed at Jeno’s impatience and laid down facing away from the boy. As soon as his body touched the bed, Jeno was tugging him back into the warm curve of his body, fitting them together perfectly. Jeno let out a contented sigh, wrapping his arm around Jaemin and pressing a kiss to Jaemin’s neck before falling back asleep. Jaemin lay awake for a bit longer, his heart pounding at Jeno’s sudden sleep-induced affection. His mind raced thinking about all of the time that he’d get to spend with Jeno over the break, and he fell asleep with a smile still on his lips.

♡♡♡

During the night it had begun snowing and it still hadn’t let up by the morning, a deep chill setting in. Despite the weather, Jaemin woke up pleasantly warm. Jeno had his arms wrapped loosely around him, and at some point in the night Jaemin had turned so they were facing each other, his face tucked against Jeno’s sternum. He kicked the blankets off his legs and sat up carefully, not wanting to disturb Jeno. Jaemin knew that with his demanding schedule Jeno didn’t sleep nearly enough, so he was happy to see that Jeno was still fast asleep. He couldn’t resist the temptation of running his fingers through Jeno’s hair, sweeping the messy strands off his forehead and revealing his blushed cheeks and puffy eyes. 

He crawled carefully out of the bed and got in the shower. By the time he was done, Jeno was awake, scrolling through social media with half his face pressed against a pillow. Jaemin enjoyed the flustered expression on Jeno’s face when he left the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Jeno showered after him, and then they got dressed and headed down to the entrance. Jaemin’s parents and brother were there to greet them, bundled up in their expensive winter coats, their noses pink. It had been a few months since he’d seen his family, and Jaemin’s heart leaped at the sight of them. He squeezed Jeno’s hand, and Jeno gave him a nervous-looking smile. 

“Jaemin!” his mother called when she spotted them, waving her hands. Jaemin smiled brightly, rushing forward to hug her. His father joined in on the hug, and Jaemin let out a contented sigh. 

“It’s been too long, Jaeminnie,” Mrs. Na fretted, cupping Jaemin’s cheeks and looking up at him with worried eyes. “Are you eating well? Sleeping enough? Are your friends treating you well? How is Donghyuck-ah?”

“Yes, yes, and yes,” Jaemin laughed. “And Donghyuck is doing well.”

He glanced over at his brother, who was staring at Jeno, obviously sizing him up. He tackled him in a hug that caught the older boy off-guard, catching Jaemin in his arms with a grunt.

“Be nice to Jeno, or else,” Jaemin whispered in Jaehyun’s ear. The other boy chuckled, tightening his arms around Jaemin.

“Hello to you too,” Jaehyun replied in a whisper, before setting Jaemin back on the ground. Jaemin returned to Jeno’s side.

“Mom, dad.” Jaemin gave Jaehyun a pointed look. “Jaehyun. This is Jeno.”

Jeno looked grateful when Mr. Na reached out to shake his hand, and Jaehyun did the same. Jaemin’s mom stood with her hand over her mouth, eyes sparkling as she looked at Jeno. Jeno faltered momentarily, looking unsure. He reached his hand out to shake, but the short woman reached out her arms instead, beckoning Jeno into a hug. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” she said as they broke away. “I’m so excited to meet you. You make my Jaeminnie so happy.”

“Oh,” Jeno smiled and blushed, looking back at Jaemin momentarily. “Thank you. It’s nice to meet you as well. Thank you for inviting me to stay.”

Mrs. Na gasped as she witnessed Jeno’s genuine smile blossom on his face, and Jaemin could relate. “Oh, it’s no problem. What a precious smile,” she cooed, clasping her hands together. Jaemin groaned, dragging Jeno away by his shoulders. He could already tell that his mother was itching to pinch Jeno’s cheeks.

“Mom, please.”

“Yeah, honey, don’t terrorize the boy,” Jaemin’s father said with a grin, one that was shockingly similar to Jaemin’s. Mrs. Na sighed but nodded, and the family headed out to the car waiting for them. Jeno stuck to Jaemin’s side as Jaehyun peppered Jeno with questions. Jaemin held onto his hand for reassurance, a memory he’d previously shut away infiltrating his mind. 

_ Jaehyun’s voice, fiercely protective, comes in crackly through the poor connection as Jaemin huddles in the dark space beneath the school’s stairs, tears rolling down his cheeks. “It’s okay, Jaemin, don’t worry. Someday you’ll find some who will really love you for you. Someone who will love you like you deserve.” _

Jaemin hoped that Jaehyun could see that he’d finally found that person. 

♡♡♡

For the few days before Christmas, Jeno and Jaemin were inseparable. Jaemin gave Jeno a tour of his family’s home, and Jeno was the most excited to see Jaemin’s bedroom. Jaemin was embarrassed when he realized that all of his old photos were still plastered on the walls, and his old posters and toys and plushies, despite being stuffed away in the closet, were also soon discovered. It was a weird feeling to have Jeno in such a personal space, but Jaemin enjoyed it. They ignored the guest bedrooms and decided to sleep in Jaemin’s bed together, which was admittedly not big enough for two teenage boys, but that just gave Jaemin an excuse to snuggle up even closer to Jeno. 

They did all of the winter activities that Jaemin could think of—baking cookies, wrapping presents, ice skating, and more. Jaemin quickly realized that he was horrible at ice skating after he’d stepped onto the rink and immediately fallen onto his ass. Jeno had skated an easy circle around him, observing Jaemin’s shocked expression with a bemused smile. He’d helped him up kindly and Jaemin eventually got the hang of it, though he held Jeno’s hand the whole time (for safety reasons of course.) 

After a few days, Jeno had to leave, taking a taxi to his parents’ house. Jaemin gave him a goodbye kiss and Jeno smiled down at him with soft, sad eyes. 

“I’ll be back soon,” he reassured. Jaemin sniffled and nodded, hugging him tightly.

“Text me, okay? And call me if you’re lonely.”

“Of course,” Jeno said, smiling into Jaemin’s hair. 

♡♡♡

The few days that Jeno was gone couldn’t pass by soon enough. Jaemin peppered Jeno’s face with kisses when he finally returned and Jeno accepted them with his unending patience. Doyoung, Jaehyun’s boyfriend, had arrived a few days ago and the other couple coerced Jaemin and Jeno into watching a movie with them that night. Jaehyun had finally started to warm up to Jeno, and it seemed like Doyoung had fallen in love with him at first sight. As they settled in the home theater in the basement, Jeno abandoned him in a stunning act of treason, accepting Doyoung’s cuddles instead of his. Jaemin clutched at his chest dramatically, and Jaehyun wore a similar expression. Jaemin took the opportunity to cuddle with his brother, instead. 

Every New Year’s Eve, Jaemin’s parents threw a party for their friends—a congregation of middle-aged business men and women swirling their champagne in their glasses, snacking on hors d'oeuvres, and discussing the stock market. It was horribly boring, and the only thing that usually saved him was sneaking some alcohol and hanging around Jaehyun and Doyoung, the only other relatively young people there. This year was different, though. He had Jeno.

Jaemin’s breath caught in his throat as Jeno made his way down the stairs. Guests had been steadily arriving for the last half-an-hour, and Jaemin was in charge of greeting people and offering to take their coats. Jeno had stayed upstairs getting ready, finally emerging dressed in one of Jaemin’s Christmas presents for him—a blue turtleneck sweater that made a beautiful contrast with his skin, hugging his chest in a way that had Jaemin’s mouth watering. He scolded himself as Jeno sent him a shy smile over the shoulders of the people that Jaemin was talking to. Jaemin made a beckoning motion and Jeno nodded, coming to stand by Jaemin’s side. It was nice to have Jeno with him as he conversed with his parents’ friends, answering the same typical questions and sipping his champagne. 

When Jaemin’s flute went dry he snuck off to the kitchen, pulling Jeno behind him. He got a refill and then chugged it half-empty again. Jeno’s eyebrows shot up as he read the label of the bottle.

“You’re drinking  _ real  _ champagne?” Jeno asked. Jaemin giggled, taking another sip. 

“Yes, of course. I have to get through this party somehow. My parents don’t really care, anyway. They know I do worse at school.” 

Jeno gave him a curious look, leaning against the counter. Jaemin drank less nowadays, but it was still fun to go to parties occasionally. He could never convince Jeno to come with him, though. 

“Can I try some?” Jeno asked, almost shy. Jaemin nodded, surprised, and offered the flute out to Jeno. Jeno took a cautious sip, and Jaemin could see the exact moment that the alcohol hit his tongue, his face contorting. “Ugh. What the hell is this, gasoline?”

Jaemin laughed at Jeno’s expense, stealing the glass back and chugging the rest. He could admit that the champagne was strong, and probably very unpleasant for someone who didn’t drink. He liked the burn of it down his throat, though. As he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, he noticed the way that Jeno’s eyes had focused in on his throat, the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. He raised his eyebrows and set the glass down on the counter behind him as Jeno moved closer in, hands on either side of Jaemin’s hips. 

“Jeno—oh!” Jaemin exhaled sharply as Jeno’s lips were suddenly on his neck, kissing and then biting the smooth skin. Jaemin’s eyes fluttered shut, hands gripping at Jeno’s strong shoulders beneath the fabric of his sweater. Once Jeno was done marking up Jaemin’s neck, he slotted their lips together. Jaemin’s hands flew to Jeno’s hair, messing up the neatly arranged strands as he tugged helplessly, his little moans escaping into Jeno’s mouth. 

“Oh, fuck!” a voice exclaimed from the entrance of the kitchen. Jeno and Jaemin broke apart instantly, turning to see Jaehyun standing with his hands over his eyes. He turned to leave immediately, muttering “not in the kitchen at least, christ.”

Jaemin giggled breathlessly, leaning on Jeno for support. Jeno looked mortified, and Jaemin patted his arm reassuringly.

“Oh, god. He’ll never forgive me for that, will he?” Jeno whined, holding onto Jaemin. 

“No, no, probably not,” Jaemin admitted.

He stood up straight once he finally caught his breath. Jeno was looking down at him with a peculiar look in his eye. His cheeks had gone red and his teeth were worrying at his lower lip, the way they do when he’s nervous.

“Do you want to?” Jeno said quickly, nearly a whisper.

“Do I want to…?” Jaemin asked, prompting Jeno to continue. Jeno looked pointedly away from Jaemin, blushing even harder than before. 

“D’you wanna go upstairs?” Jeno mumbled once again, his words catching on one another. Jaemin heard him perfectly fine, though, and a grin tugged the corner of his mouth up. He looped his arms around Jeno’s neck.

“What was that, babe?” Jaemin teased. He stroked his thumb over the defined arch of Jeno’s cheekbone when the boy finally looked at him. Jeno’s hand caught at Jaemin’s, removing it from his face as his expression suddenly changed.

“You heard me.” Jeno’s voice dropped as he stepped closer to Jaemin, and Jaemin’s breath caught.  _ Oh. This was different. _

“Let’s go,” Jaemin said with a smile. 

Jaemin rushed out of the kitchen, Jeno on his tail. As they thundered up the stairs, Jaemin could hear his mother’s confused voice calling out for him, and his brother placating her tiredly. 

They were laughing by the time they reached the second level, stumbling into Jaemin’s room. Jaemin carefully locked the door behind them and then allowed himself to be swept into Jeno’s arms. Jeno kissed Jaemin with a smile curling his lips and he kissed back, giggling. Jeno walked them backward until Jaemin was falling onto the bed, Jeno crawling over him. Jeno looked shocked for a moment at his own bravery. Jaemin stared up at Jeno and his pretty wide eyes and parted lips, and cupped his cheek with a gentle laugh. 

“C’mere.” Jeno went easily, melting into Jaemin’s gentle embrace. Jaemin felt lost in the feeling of Jeno’s lips against his. He ran his hands up and down the length of Jeno’s clothed back, feeling the muscles that lay there, tensed beneath heated skin. 

“Jaemin,” Jeno breathed, pulling back an inch. He opened his mouth but no words came out and he blushed. Jaemin raised an eyebrow when he felt Jeno’s sneak up beneath the hem of his sweater, palms hot on the skin of his stomach. “I wanna—with you.”

Although he didn’t say it explicitly, Jaemin knew what he meant. He felt his heartbeat pick up, his cock twitch in his tight slacks. He couldn’t help the way that his mouth fell open. 

“Oh my god,” Jeno whined, burying his face in Jaemin’s chest. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Jaemin locked his arms and legs around Jeno’s body and rolled to the side so that Jeno was on his back, Jaemin straddling his waist. Jeno blinked up at him in open-mouthed surprise. Jaemin kissed along Jeno’s jaw and paused by his ear. 

“How can I not look at you like that when you’re making my dreams come true?” Jaemin whispered. His breath ghosted over Jeno’s skin and caused the boy to give a tiny shiver. Jaemin smiled, endeared, and went back to his favorite activity—kissing Jeno. Jeno’s hands found Jaemin’s waist and he sat up slightly and shifted them back further so that Jaemin wasn’t in danger of slipping off the bed. Jaemin broke the kiss and carefully watched Jeno’s expressions as he slipped his hand beneath the hem of Jeno’s pretty sweater. 

“You look really good in this, but I still want it off,” he murmured. Jeno nodded and allowed Jaemin to pull it over his head. Jaemin had to take a moment to admire Jeno’s body, the sculpted muscles and pale, soft skin. He muttered a quiet curse before dipping his head to leave a trail of kisses down Jeno’s sternum. Jeno’s hand went to Jaemin’s hair, playing with the silky strands.

“Jaemin,” Jeno said. His voice sounded strained and Jaemin pulled away for a moment, meeting Jeno’s eyes. “You know you’re my—my first, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jaemin replied, trying to keep his voice steady as he felt a sudden wave of regret wash over him. “I wish you were my first, too.” 

Jeno cradled his face in his hands and reassured him with a searing kiss, and okay, he was definitely too hard to be comfortable anymore.

“Was I your first kiss, too?” Jaemin asked with a smirk as he pulled his own shirt over his head. He watched Jeno’s eyes go predictably straight to his chest, to his rosy nipples that hardened at the first touch of cool air. Jeno pulled Jaemin closer and adjusted his legs to let Jaemin settle more comfortably in his lap. Jaemin gasped at the first accidental press of their clothed cocks and his hips chased the sensation. Jeno bit his lip hard and Jaemin held onto Jeno’s shoulders as he ground down.

“It was that bad, huh?” Jeno asked breathlessly. Jaemin huffed and slowed the roll of his hips. 

“Not at all,” Jaemin grinned, before focusing his energy on sucking a hickey below Jeno’s collarbone.

“Well, there was that one time with Renjun—” Jeno’s breath hitched at the scrape of Jaemin’s teeth.

“What?” Jaemin hissed, pulling away. He swiped away a trail of spit with an absent hand, meeting Jeno’s eyes which were bright with amusement. 

“Kidding. It was a half-second long and we both hated it.”

Jaemin sighed and leaned in to kiss Jeno briefly. 

“I’m surprised you managed to fend off the girls and guys for so long,” Jaemin teased, running his fingers through Jeno’s fringe and sweeping it off his forehead. It was getting too long and fell adorably into his eyes.

“Well, relationships weren’t really my focus,” Jeno said. “I kinda took a chance on you, Jaemin Na.”

“And did it pay off?” he asked, leaning close enough that the tips of their noses touched.

“A thousand times,” came Jeno’s response. Jaemin shook his head and lowered his eyes, unable to keep the smile off of his face. Jeno eased him into a kiss with gentle fingertips on his jaw and Jaemin let himself fall into it. 

He could feel the hard length of Jeno’s dick against his own and he wanted to touch it so bad. He trailed fingertips over Jeno’s stomach, playing with the buckle of his belt and slipping just beneath. Jeno moaned into the kiss at the drag of Jaemin’s fingertips so close to where he wanted them.

“Lay back,” Jaemin murmured, and Jeno followed instruction. Jaemin sat just to the side of Jeno’s body and made quick work of his belt and pants. The outline of Jeno’s cock was obvious through his black boxers. It looked big, and Jaemin swallowed in anticipation. He planted one hand by Jeno’s head and teased his fingers along the length of Jeno’s cock with the other, watching his lover’s reactions. Jaemin was pleased with the way Jeno’s lips parted, a tiny moan escaping them when he pressed his hand down firmly. 

“Jaemin,” Jeno murmured mindlessly. His feet came up to plant themselves flat on the bed, knees bent. His hips rocked into the motion of Jaemin’s hand and when Jaemin finally slipped his hand beneath the boxers, Jeno’s eyes fluttered closed and a tremor went through his entire body. Jaemin felt like he was burning up inside as he watched Jeno’s eyebrows furrow and fingers grip at his own hair.

Jaemin got off the bed for a moment to take his own pants off and then crawled back onto the bed, between Jeno’s legs this time. Jeno’s lip quirked up at Jaemin’s bright pink boxers and Jaemin whined. 

“Shut up, I wasn’t exactly expecting this.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Jeno complained. “And just that you weren’t expecting this doesn’t change the fact that those are a monstrosity.”

“Whatever,” Jaemin muttered. If things went his way, pretty soon Jeno wouldn’t have the wits to make fun of him. 

He lowered himself slowly to the bed, keeping his hips up high and showing off the pretty arch of his back. He wound his arms around the outside of Jeno’s legs and ran his hands over Jeno’s abs as he nuzzled his face against the bulge in his underwear. Jeno went red as Jaemin smirked up at him and hooked his fingers under the waistband.

“I’ve wanted to suck your dick for so long,” Jaemin said honestly as he pulled Jeno’s briefs off. Jeno’s face went red, maybe from Jaemin’s words or maybe from being completely exposed.

“Jaemin,” Jeno groaned, his head falling back. “You can’t just  _ say _ that.”

Jaemin smiled before taking Jeno’s cock into his hand. He was already almost completely hard, red and leaking. Jaemin maintained eye contact as he gave Jeno a full, firm stroke, spreading the wetness. He worked his thumb against a spot just below the head of his cock that made Jeno’s hips kick.

Jaemin was right, Jeno  _ was  _ big. The thought crossed his mind that he might be in for a challenge as he held Jeno’s cock at the base and took his cock between his lips for the first time. Jeno made a choked noise as Jaemin’s mouth wrapped hot and wet around his cock and his hands went to Jaemin’s hair, legs shifting restlessly on the bed. When Jaemin met his eyes, Jeno looked like he was close to losing his mind. Luckily, he was still present enough to keep his hips down and not choke Jaemin. 

Jaemin tongued at the head of Jeno’s cock, keeping the same suction, and was pleased to hear an increase in Jeno’s little gasps and moans. He went slow at first, not wanting his fun to be over. He kept his lips pressed to the hand he wrapped around Jeno’s length, working up and down together at a steady pace. He should’ve realized that Jeno would come ultra-fast, this being his first time and all. Still, he pouted when he felt Jeno’s hand tugging at his hair after only a minute or two.

“J-Jaemin, wait,” Jeno gasped. His cheeks were redder than ever and Jaemin’s heart skipped a beat at the blissed-out look on his face. “I’ll come too soon if you keep going.”

Jaemin smiled, lips pressed to the tip of Jeno’s cock. 

“Then come, baby,” he said, stroking Jeno’s cock leisurely. “You can get me off and then we’ll go again later.”

“Fuck,” Jeno exhaled when Jaemin sank back down on his cock, taking him deeper this time. He let his cock hit the back of his throat and press past the point where it was comfortable, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. It was worth it for the way that Jeno’s hand tightened in his hair, sweet noises tumbling from his lips. 

“I’m gonna—” Jeno warned, his voice tight, thighs trembling, stomach clenching. He let go with a deep moan of Jaemin’s name, painting the back of Jaemin’s throat. The sound of Jeno’s voice saying his name like that caused Jaemin’s heart to pound wildly. He pulled off when Jeno stopped shaking and straddled his hips, pressing kisses to Jeno’s face. Jaemin was so hard, the tent in his boxers comical at this point. He let himself grind down on Jeno’s stomach as the boy blinked open his eyes, giving an incredulous laugh. 

“Wow,” was all Jeno said, and Jaemin smirked. 

“Yeah?” he asked, running his tongue over his lower lip lecherously. 

“Yeah.” Jeno sat up and grasped Jaemin’s hips. Jaemin wasn’t expecting it at all when Jeno flipped him onto his back and he gave a tiny squeal at the sudden motion. Jeno was on top of him, smirking, and arousal shot through Jaemin’s stomach. He whined Jeno’s name, stretching out on the bed as he felt Jeno’s eyes rake over him.

“Please,” he gasped. He was trying so hard to keep his hands off of himself, but the need to come was nearly overwhelming. Luckily, Jeno was soon pushing his boxers out of the way and wrapping his hand around Jaemin’s cock. Jaemin kicked his boxers to the ground and let out a relieved moan, his back arching and toes curling at the feeling of Jeno’s warm hand finally around him. Jeno bit his lip and gave an experimental stroke.

“Tell me if—”

“That’s—ah, that’s good. Just tighter,” Jaemin smiled up at Jeno as the boy tightened his hand and repeated the motion more confidently this time, thumb dragging over the tip on the upstroke. Jaemin moaned an affirmation, winding his fingers through Jeno’s hair and tugging until Jeno was finally kissing him.

The feeling of Jeno’s lips on his matched with the movement of his hands was enough to send Jaemin’s senses into overdrive. He moaned into Jeno’s mouth and ran his nails down Jeno’s back, gripping at the soft skin as pleasure coiled in his stomach. He couldn’t help the arch of his back or the way his hips chased the pleasure of Jeno’s hand.

As the waves of pleasure crested, nearly breaking, Jaemin dropped his head to the bed with a helpless cry of Jeno’s name. Jeno met his eyes steadily, and then did something wonderful with his fingers that pushed Jaemin right over the edge. He cried out again as pleasure flooded his body. He cupped Jeno’s face with his hands and kissed him through his orgasm, muffling his cries. His muscles spasmed before he fell back onto the bed, hit with a sudden wave of lethargy. Jaemin pulled Jeno—who always made the perfect pillow—down next to him.

“Mmph—Jaemin,” Jeno said, nudging at Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin curled himself tighter around Jeno, not wanting to move yet. He had his nose pressed up against the base of Jeno’s throat where the scent of his cologne lingered, leg hooked around Jeno. He let out a sigh as he came down from his orgasm, body still thrumming, pulse pounding, sweat drying on his forehead.

“What?” he whispered, opening his eyes reluctantly. Jeno brought his hand up to Jaemin’s line of vision, and Jaemin saw that it was still covered in his come. 

“Can you get a tissue?” Jeno asked, and Jaemin giggled. He nodded and pulled himself up, leaning over Jeno’s body to his nightstand. When he returned with a box of tissues, he settled comfortably on Jeno’s stomach, thighs on either side of his torso. Jeno’s clean hand stroked the skin of one of his thighs, looking up at Jaemin strangely.

“Hmm?” Jaemin asked, handing Jeno a couple tissues. Jeno used them to meticulously wipe down each of his fingers before meeting Jaemin’s gaze again. 

“Nothing, I just...” He propped himself up on his elbows and looked away, blushing. “I don’t know, you’re just incredible.”

“Stop,” Jaemin whined, flushing at the sincerity in Jeno’s eyes.

“Wonderful, amazing, mind-blowing, Jaemin Na,” Jeno teased. Jaemin leaned down to hug Jeno, burying his face in Jeno’s chest out of sheer embarrassment. Jeno ran his fingers through Jaemin’s hair and kindly let him recover.

“You too,” Jaemin responded finally, picking his head back up. Jeno smiled, his nose bumping Jaemin’s.

“Me too?” Jeno asked, giving Jaemin a cocky smirk. He rolled his eyes and decided to just shut Jeno up with a kiss. Jeno seemed to be okay with that, taking the opportunity to run his hands over Jaemin’s muscled back. Jaemin made a tiny noise of surprise when he felt Jeno’s hands wander lower.

“Okay?” Jeno murmured, and Jaemin nodded his consent. He shifted his hips back and felt something nudge his thigh.

“Holy shit,” Jaemin grinned, and this seemed to throw Jeno off. Jaemin reached beneath himself and took Jeno’s cock, already hard once more, into his hand. “Already?”

Now it was Jeno’s turn to blush, hips shifting restlessly. Jaemin had thought that they might end up going again, but not this fast. It was almost impressive how quickly he got it up again. He leaned down, stroking Jeno’s sensitive cock. Jeno’s hands were still on his ass, fingertips so close to where he really needed them. Suddenly Jaemin had an idea, maybe his best yet. 

“Wanna fuck me?” he asked. Jeno moaned and caught his teeth between his lips. His eyes were sparkling as if he’d just received the best news of his life.

“Yeah,” came Jeno’s reply, low and breathy. “Yeah, yes, of course. You’d let me?”

Jaemin nodded as he sat up, arching his back and pressing his hips down flush to Jeno’s groin. He felt his own cock twitch back to life. 

“I want it,” Jaemin confessed. Jeno gripped his ass harder, fingers pressing indentations. Somehow, Jeno knew exactly what he needed, and brushed his fingertips over his hole. Jaemin made a choked noise and dropped his head. “I want you, Jeno.”

“Fuck, baby.” Jaemin smiled at the name, the name that Jeno claimed to hate using. The tip of Jeno’s middle finger circled his hole and Jaemin sighed in pleasure. “A condom? Lube? Do you need to be stretched?” Jeno asked. 

Jaemin blushed at the question, his thoughts wandering back to that morning. He’d woken up to Jeno’s warm weight behind him, erection pressing against his back, and he couldn’t do anything about it because he was being a good boyfriend and not pressuring Jeno into anything. Jeno had left to go work out, leaving Jaemin alone in his bed and, well. Jaemin was super fucking horny all the time, okay? Being surrounded by Lee Jeno just made it worse.

“Not that much. I—” Jaemin broke off with a nervous giggle. “I might’ve fingered myself this morning after you left.”

Jaemin expected Jeno to be scandalized, but Jeno just groaned and threw his head back. 

“That’s so fucking hot, Jaemin,” Jeno said, and finally pressed the tip of a finger inside. Jaemin moaned and then he was moving away to roughly pull open his bedside drawer. He wasn’t religious but he sent up a quick prayer when he found a condom, the last in the box. The bottle of lube that he kept at home was sitting on top of everything, thrown there in a haste when he’d heard Jeno’s footsteps coming back up the stairs that morning. Jeno shifted to sit against the headboard and welcomed Jaemin eagerly back into his lap. Jaemin handed Jeno the lube and tore the condom open, rolling it on quickly so he didn’t have to do it later. When he was done he wiped his fingers on his sheets carelessly and looked to Jeno. Jeno was staring apprehensively at the bottle of lube. 

“I’ve never done this before,” he admitted. Jaemin took the bottle from his hands.

“Not even to yourself?” Jaemin asked, eyes widening as Jeno shook his head. That was something they were going to have to explore later, Jaemin thought with a smirk. “Want me to do it this time? I don’t mind.”

Jeno nodded and settled his hands on Jaemin’s hips. Jaemin really didn’t mind. He’d love to put on a show for Jeno, show him just how pretty he could really be. Make Jeno ache to finally get inside of him.

Jaemin slicked up the fingers of one hand and braced the other on Jeno’s shoulder, reaching behind with the other. He slipped two fingers inside of himself easily and let out a breathy sigh, rocking his hips down onto the digits, spreading his fingers apart and stretching himself out. He could hardly get to his prostate like this but it still felt insanely good, his body thrumming from the feeling of Jeno’s heavy gaze. Jeno was wearing a look of intense concentration and Jaemin couldn’t help but feel like he was being studied. It made his skin prickle, arousal shooting hot to his groin. When he pushed his chest out an extra inch, Jeno’s eyes fell to his nipples. He ran his hands up the sides of Jaemin’s torso and let his thumbs brush over them, rosy and beaded. Jaemin gave an approving moan and slipped his ring finger inside.

“T-three fingers,” Jaemin murmured.

“Feels good?” Jeno asked, fingers absentmindedly playing with Jaemin’s nipples as he watched his facial expressions. Jaemin nodded and focused on getting his rim loosened, adding more lube than was probably necessary. “Good. I want to watch next time.”

“ _ God _ . Shut up,” Jaemin huffed, his cheeks flushing. “You’re going to be doing it next time.”

“Okay,” Jeno replied, grinning easily. He was so pretty, lips red and bitten, hair all messy from when Jaemin had gripped it a little too hard. He was so sweet, too, holding Jaemin’s hips so he didn’t topple over and watching his responses carefully for what made him feel good. Jaemin needed him inside  _ now. _

When he voiced this, Jeno nearly choked. Jaemin added more lube to Jeno’s cock and then cleaned his fingers off and grabbed Jeno’s shoulders to steady himself.

“Wanna do the honors?” Jaemin asked with a smile, leaning in to kiss Jeno. Jeno nodded and took his cock in his hand. He paused in a moment of hesitation.

“Will it—” Jeno’s breath hitched at the feeling of his cock rubbing against Jaemin’s slick hole. “Will it fit?”

Jaemin giggled at the question, pulling Jeno closer to kiss along his jawline before finally pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “Yes, baby. It’ll fit.”

Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno’s shoulders as he felt the head of Jeno’s cock press inside of him. He let out a shaky moan as he lowered himself, Jeno’s cock sinking fully into him. The stretch was so fucking good, and the slight burn was absolutely nothing compared to the overwhelming pleasure of finally being  _ full. _ He felt Jeno’s hands grip hard at his shoulder blades, a stream of whispered praises and curses falling against Jaemin’s collarbone. He pressed kisses to Jeno’s temple as he adjusted. Jeno hands went to Jaemin’s hips and he squeezed at them rhythmically, trying to stop himself from fucking up into Jaemin.

Jaemin straightened up after a few moments and met Jeno’s eyes. His cock felt even better at this angle, got even deeper. Jeno’s eyes were filled with something—amazement?—and Jaemin giggled when Jeno demanded to be kissed. He obliged his boyfriend, licking hot and messy into his mouth as he began a steady grind.

Jaemin liked being on top sometimes. It was fun to find that angle where whoever’s cock ground perfectly against his prostate. It was fun to tease, to have the power, to leave marks from his nails all over their chest. What was less fun was the way his leg muscles burned, the way it was nearly impossible to really get pounded into unless the top gave him some help. The drag of Jeno’s cock inside him was nice, and Jeno was enjoying it if the moans and whimpers of Jaemin’s name were to go by, but Jaemin also remembered the glint in Jeno’s eyes when he’d gotten Jaemin underneath him. Maybe he wanted to be on top?

Jaemin pulled off of Jeno’s cock with an obscene squelch and ignored Jeno’s noise of protest to lay himself flat on his back. He bent his knees up to his chest and worked his hand over his cock a few times.

“Come here,” Jaemin said softly, beckoning Jeno to him. Jeno did as he was told, crawling on his hands and knees until he was level over Jaemin. “I thought it could be nice like this.”

“Yeah,” Jeno murmured. Jaemin didn’t know how to describe his gaze at that moment other than reverent, as he ran his hands over Jaemin’s torso, down over the soft skin of his belly, and finally to Jaemin’s entrance. Jaemin shivered despite himself. He was laid out all pretty for Jeno, and the thought made his cock twitch. Jeno dragged his thumb over the slicked up skin and then put it inside, just to see the way that Jaemin’s hole opened up for him. He was so  _ evil.  _ Jaemin was just about to beg for it when Jeno finally grabbed his cock and started to press back in. 

Jaemin nearly sobbed when Jeno was finally fully inside of him, hips pressed flush to Jaemin’s ass. Jeno leaned over him and kissed away his shaky breaths, thumbs rubbing circles over Jaemin’s hip bones.

“Are you okay?” he asked, ever caring.

Jaemin nodded desperately. “Fuck me. Please.”

And Jaemin didn’t even mean it to sound dirty, but Jeno certainly thought it did by the shiver that ran through his body, the grin that overcame his face. He fisted his hands in the sheets and began to move his hips experimentally. Jaemin guided him on what felt good, and when one of Jeno’s thrusts hit his prostate he  _ squealed.  _ He clapped a hand over his mouth, embarrassed, but it was too late. Jeno looked delighted when he thrust back in and Jaemin jolted, that same buzz of pleasure running hot up his spine. 

“There?” Jeno asked, even though he already knew. Jaemin nodded and grabbed onto Jeno’s wrists, keeping himself from sliding down the bed as Jeno fucking railed him, hitting his prostate on every careful, powerful thrust. He had his head thrown back and he was moaning way too loud but he didn’t even care anymore because it was so good. 

“You’re so fucking tight, baby,” Jeno moaned, and Jaemin’s head spun because Jeno hardly cursed and hardly called him pet names and now he was talking to him like this, low and breathy and Jaemin was  _ burning  _ inside. He wrapped a hand around his cock, meeting Jeno’s eyes. They were dark and a little bit wild, and Jeno’s thrusts were going a little bit wild as well as he chased the pleasure. “I think ‘m gonna come soon,” Jeno gasped, and Jaemin nodded.

“Me too. Keep going, love,” he urged, feeling a familiar warmth start in the pit of his stomach, his chest going tight. It made his toes and fingers feel a little bit tingly and he clenched his hands in the sheets. Jeno saw that and intertwined their fingers, pressing Jaemin’s hands into the mattress and leaning over him to brush their lips together. Jeno angled his hips to find his prostate once more and Jaemin moaned into Jeno’s mouth, a high and needy thing. He thought he’d need to touch himself to orgasm, but—

“Jeno, I’m—” Jeno broke off Jaemin’s cry with a kiss, licking into his mouth. Jaemin’s cock twitched and he came, spilling all over his stomach. His insides clenched helplessly around Jeno’s cock as he rode out his orgasm, the best of his life. When he came back to, Jeno was kissing at his neck, trembling hips stilling with his cock deep inside of Jaemin. Jeno bit softly at his skin as he came with a pretty moan of Jaemin’s name. His hips stuttered a few more times before he pulled out and fucking  _ collapsed  _ on Jaemin. 

“Get off!” Jaemin wheezed, shoving Jeno off of him with a laugh. Jeno landed just to the side of Jaemin, their limbs still intertwined, and yawned cutely, obviously still hazy from his orgasm. Jaemin could feel the tremor of Jeno’s muscles as he stretched out, blinking his eyes open. Jeno fixed him with a sleepy smile and snuggled into his side, nearly on top of Jaemin, like a puppy who’s gotten too big but doesn’t realize it. Jaemin carded his fingers through Jeno’s hair and let his mind float. He’s not tired, but he’s happy to lay here with Jeno.

“I love you.”

The words came suddenly, tumbling out of Jeno’s mouth like an accident. Jaemin could feel the way that he instantly stiffened, and when Jeno sat up Jaemin could see the way his lower lip trembled, his face pale. His fingers were shaky when he reached out to touch Jaemin’s arm.

“I didn’t… I—”

“I love you, too.”

Jaemin didn’t expect the words to fall from his lips either, but as he said them he realized just how true they were. Jeno relaxed instantly, melting into Jaemin’s arms when he tugged him back onto the bed and kissed his jaw, neck, cheeks, nose, and lips. Jeno was giggling when they finally broke apart, his eyes shining so bright, and Jaemin’s heart danced in his chest, feeling the lightest it’s felt in years _. _

He hadn’t thought it possible, but it’d happened—Jeno had taught him how to love again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it ♡
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing these amazing boys and I hope you had fun reading about them! support nct and of course leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
